Tag Archives: self-love

THE IDEA OF PERFECTION

What, according to you, is perfect?
Is it that character you saw in a movie or that lead in your favourite book? Is it that one person in your class/at work whom everyone looks up to.

The idea of perfection varies from person to person and time to time. It’s a lot like coffee.


Different people have different preferences when it comes to coffee and some don’t like coffee, it just goes with what you’re in the mood for.
Perfection is just like that, everyone’s idea of ‘perfect’ is different, and it changes from place to place and time to time.


When you’re in school it might be that person who has the most friends and hangs out with the popular crowd, when you grow older it might become the people that have a well paying job and are respected in the community.



The thing to note is that ‘perfect’ is not the same for everyone, all of us feel that perfect is different, better and something unlike us.
Everyone has, atleast once in their life, compared themselves to their idea of ‘perfect’.



But the question that arises is, “Why are some things considered to be perfect, while others are not?”

The idea of perfection is very different for different people but the reality of the situation is – nothing and no one is perfect!



We all have this idea of perfect in our head that we have put up on a pedestal and look up to and aspire to be and many times force ourselves to be.
We do the most absurd things to fit the idea of ‘perfect’. We put ourselves on diets and trainings and all sorts of things that we might not even want to do but we do it, just to fit this idea of perfect, which we’ve made up in our head!



Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with following a healthy lifestyle and doing things that keep you healthy and fit, but putting yourself through things that you don’t even want to do or are unhealthy for you, just to fit this image of ‘perfect body’ is wrong.
The same way, there’s nothing wrong with having a good job that pays well and gives you a high position in society, but doing that while pushing away your passion and happiness, just to match your parents idea of ‘the perfect child’ or society’s idea of ‘the perfect match’ is wrong.

There are so many other instances when we push away our own happiness and peace of mind just to fit the idea of perfect, something that will never be able to bring us true happiness.



Have you ever admired someone? Thought them to be the living version of perfect? Idolised them to such a level that you dreamt and aspired to be them?
Well, I have, and I had to learn it the hard way thay nothing and no one is perfect. Everyone has their good and bad side, everyone has their own shortcomings and everyone has days that are good and that are bad.
Putting someone on that pedestal and expecting them to fit your idea of perfect is not right. Accepting someone for who they are, good and bad, is the way to show true admiration and letting someone know that you actually care about them.



There’s nothing wrong with helping someone become better and improve but it’s always important to know our limits and not push ourselves and at the same time remind others to be careful and not push themselves too hard.


I don’t know about you, but I grew up watching people that had the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect laugh, everything that fit society’s idea of ‘perfect’ and that shaped my idea of perfect, which made me push myself in that direction, in a direction that seemed so wonderful, but was so dark and did not give me any happiness.

In the end, I don’t fit the idea of perfect! I don’t have the perfect smile, the perfect grades or the perfect behaviour. I’m not that and the first time I accepted that, it scared me, I was not what everyone wanted me to be and I might never become that, but now I’ve learnt to accept myself as that, as that imperfect, silly little girl, that might never make anyone proud, but atleast I’m happy.

I’m happy and I’m comfortable in my own skin… actually that’s not true, I’m not completely comfortable, I have days when I’m so bold and comfortable and feel so grand , and then I have days when I’m insecure, self conscious and scared and that is completely okay!
It’s a long hard journey and I’m going to make it, one day at a time. Baby steps.


And I want to encourage everyone reading this, take a moment and analyse yourself, what about you do you think is imperfect or doesn’t fit your version of ‘perfect’? What do you think is perfect? More importantly, why do you think it’s perfect? Why not put yourself into the idea of imperfect and love that?
There is so much beauty in imperfections – in all our imperfections, it’s high time that we stop praising the idea of perfect and learn to love ourselves a little more each day and grow each day.



Let’s learn to surround ourselves with people and things that help us develop self love, that help us love us for who we are and help us become better and happier.

There could be a hundred things that could make us upset, make us feel bad, about ourselves and the world around us, so it’s important to find love in ourselves, only then can we find love for the world outside.
And one of the best ways to love ourselves is to rid ourselves from the idea of perfect, to fall in love with our own imperfections.



It’s great if you can make yourself a better version of you and it’s great to try to be a better version of yourself every day, but it’s important to love yourself, regardless of who you could be, it’s about loving yourself as who you are, because there is so much to love about yourself…

To love yourself is the path to loving the world & to love the world is to spread love, peace and happiness

ASKING WHY

Do you remember a time when you were young, asking questions about anything and everything around you. The innocent little ‘why’, ‘where’, ‘how’, and ‘who’ that made people around you laugh and more often sigh in annoyance.
Toddlers have more curiosity in life than most adults. They are not afraid or ashamed to ask the question ‘why’ to anything and everything that catches their attention.

If you’re one of the few adults who has questions about your surroundings and still have that childlike natural curiosity, great! Trust me, this curiosity will really open up your heart and mind to your surroundings and to the people around you.
You bring a childlike energy and happiness everywhere you go and a lot of people need that in their lives which is why you’re important to them.



Now if you’re someone who has lost touch with that innocent childlike curiosity, I suggest you bring it back! And here’s why :

According to lifehack, “When you question things, asking why regularly, it can move you in a new direction and get you thinking about your core values and beliefs.”

Because this article is all about questions, let’s start with this first question:-

Why is asking ‘Why’ important?

When we ask questions (especially why) we open new doors to new opportunities.
Asking why eliminated confusion that are caused by assumptions. Also, asking why brings a much clearer picture infront of everyone and brings the whole team on the same page. Questions are tools that help us explore and solve problems on the workfront. Questions lead to actions and inspire people to be innovative.
Good decision makers and prominant leaders constantly ask ‘why’, this helps in getting closer to the core problems and issues and gives an insight to solving the problem.



If you would have noticed, these points are from a ‘professional’ or ‘workplace’ point of view. So let’s go a little deeper.


Let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our relationships?

In any relationship being honest is the most important thing and asking why will help the other person be honest with you and you can get rid of all the worries and misconceptions growing in your mind.
If you’re someone who loves helping people and making people happy, especially people that are close to you, then you should ask them ‘why’. More specifically ask them about their lives, their dreams, why they chose their career? Why are they happy? Why are they sad? Why did they decide to wear the clothes that the are wearing?
The questions you ask can be big or small, light hearted or deep. What matters is you ask them questions.

When we show real interest in another person it makes them feel special. Asking why (or any other question) will lead to heart to heart open ended questions that can lift up the other person’s spirits, and at times, even yours!

Another benefit of asking why and questioning things around you is that you inspire people, especially young people around you.
When you openly question things and people around you, you inspire people, you inspire them to be fearless, confident and curious, all qualities that will help them (and you) to develp themselves and grow and ultimately become better versions of themselves.


I feel like we’re getting somewhat deep, so let’s go deeper, let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our self?

Asking yourself why you do things will give you a better outlook and remind you of the prize of your hardwork.
Many times we are so busy by the outside world that we forget to look in.
Check in with your inner self to make sure you’re okay and to calm yourself in any tense situations.
You can question yourself to motivate yourself and keep the confidence and faith alive in you.
Questions can change you as an individual and even the most smallest question has the potential to completely transform who you are.

Now that we’re a little more clear with the why let’s move to what.

So, what is a good question?

A ‘good question’ is a question that comes from your mind and/or heart and not an attempt to be cheeky. It should be a question that comes to your mind/heart from geniune interest and curiosity that can keep you up at night if you don’t get an answer to it.
Great questions are not those that have a (supposedly) right answer. Good questions are those that lead to deep and heart to heart conversations, whether with ourselves or with someone else, and help us reflect and think about things that matter (both professionally and personally).


Now let’s go one step further and look into the how.
How can we ask good question? Or more importantly, how can we bring back our inner naturally curious child?

Try to develop a confident nature, to ask questions and be curious without being afraid or ashamed. Use that confidence to encourage yourself to think deeply and develop new ideas.
Try to learn about new things through books or even online courses, this can help you communicate efficiently and ask deeper questions and it might even help you find a new hobby or passion.



An important thing to keep in mind is that people can become defensive or really shy or introverted by certain questions or sudden changes in topics or even suddenly getting a deep question thrown at them. When asking questions or going in for deep conversations try to slowly ease into the topic instead of randomly throwing it at them.



The most important thing to always remember is that questions are like a key to many unopened doors. Doors that can lead us inside a bigger world, better people and even inside a better version of us.

I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.

Albert Einstein

LEARNING TO SILENCE THE INNER CRITIC

(W/ many other smart people)

Have you ever heard loud, harsh, cruel, negative and really hurtful criticizing words?

I feel like we’ve all heard those at some point of our life, either from outside or from inside. Now, we may not be able to do much about the negativity that comes from outside but we can change the negativity from inside.

So I did a lot of research, which consisted of reading, writing and watching a lot of Ted talks and I’ve found the top 3 ways to of silencing the inner critic and being a better you.

1) THE ONE RULE PRINCIPLE ( by Bhavna Nagar )

This principle simply states, ‘ If I don’t like it from the outside (words or tone of voice), then I can’t use it on the inside.’

This principle, according to me, is the most simplest and maybe the most sensible way of dealing with that nagging voice from the inside.

Bhavna compares this inner critic to a 2 year old, someone who just says whatever they want, and the only way to control this 2 year old voice, is by being a parent to it. Being stern, yet loving. Slowly with a lot of practice, learning and caring we’ll be able to parent this inner 2 year old.

2) C. A. S. T. ( by Melissa Ambrosini )

“.. to help cast aside our inner critic so our true self can shine.”

The way to do this is by following these 4 simple steps.

Step 1: Create a character for this inner critic.

Give it a face, a shape, a body and a name. It can be anything you like. This is really important. It will create a boundary between the inner critic and your true self. It’s important to know that those are 2 completely different things.

Step 2: Awareness

Be aware and know which of these 2, your true self or the inner critic, is doing the talking. Again, remember that they are 2 completely different things.

Step 3: Shut the door.

… on this inner critic. Every time these criticizing thoughts come knocking on your mental door, you tell them, “No thanks, bye!” and close that door on their face. Shut off the negative thoughts just like you would shut off a nosey neighbor when you’re on a bad mood. (Trust me, you don’t have any need for either of them!)

Step 4: Truth

When you do all the above steps, you will finally find out the truth, the truth of who you really are and what you are really worth.

3) 3 WAYS TO TAME YOUR SELF CRITIC ( by Ronnie Grandell )

1) Try to understand the critic’s intent.

The critic inside you is like an angry sports coach. They want you to succeed and be the best version, but they have really poor execution style.

So, the best way to do learn the really intention of this critic is by looking behind the angry, rude, mean, hurtful things that your inner critic says, find the real reason for these words.

Is this inner voice trying to push you into being a better version of yourself? Or is it trying to keep you away from a hurtful situation? Or is it saying all of this just to hurt you? Try to figure it out!

2) Take a step back and personalize the critic.

Just like before, give this inner critic a personality. Give it a name, a face, a way of walking, an accent, anything and everything you want. (Your imagination is the only limit.)

Create distance between this personality and your true self because they are completely different.

Now everytime this unhappy, mean, rude personality decides to pay a visit to your mind, push it away. Again, nosey neighbor. No thanks! (You don’t need that in your life, take it from me)

3) Create a compassionate personality.

Create a nicer version of the angry sports coach in your head. Again, give them personality, face, body, voice, everything.l

Let them be this compassionate, kind, nice, loving and supportive person that will step in to life you up and help you access your inner courage, your inner self and your inner commitment to the things that matter to you.

Now, doing all this research and learning has taught me so many things that I want to summarize with these 5 points:

1) Before taking validation from outside, we need to stop hurting ourselves from the inside. We need to be kind to ourselves before expecting someone else to be kind to us or being kind to someone else.

2) We need to think of this inner critic only as a part of us, not all of us. We need to distance ourselves from this part of us.

3) We need to learn to turn this inner critic into a life coach that will give us that little extra push to reach our goals.

4) We should accept our failures and make amends and try to make things right. But at the same time, we need to question this inner critic from time to time, we need to step back and understand what this inner critic is doing to our mind.

5) Listening to the inner critic will not always make us a better version of us. Sometimes (aka most of the time) it will just make us feel even more down which will just affect our productivity.

[ BTW…. If you want to know some tips to being productive, here it is …. #ShamelessPlug 😉 ]

Fun Fact (because why not)

According to many scientists and researchers, the inner critic is an essential characteristic for many psychological disorders including anxiety, depression and eating disorders. So it’s really really important for us to tackle this inner critic and turn it towards our own benefit.

Bonus Tip

All these tips, tricks and hacks are not instantaneous. You cannot just wish for it and then wait for it to come true, you need to work towards it. Each day take baby steps to silence that inner critic. It won’t be an easy ride, there will be times that you will fail, you will fall down and you will hurt yourself, but you have to get back up. And whenever you have thoughts like “why even try?” or “what’s the point of all this?”, read this article again, and know that the reason why you’re doing this, is not for anyone else, it’s for you. Why? Because you deserve happiness, and nothing should come in the way of that, not even your inner critic. ♥️

PUSHING PAST THE NEGATIVE

Our brain has a tendency to view the world from a negative light. Once we start thinking about something as a negative, it tends to stick to us and makes it difficult to change our opinion about it. When we start viewing the world from a ‘glass half empty’ perspective, everything seems negative, sad and depressing. On the other hand, viewing the world as ‘glass half full’ shows a better, more happier perspective.

What that means is, having a better, positive mindset can change the way you view the world. Remember that your world is what you make it. Know that you can change your world. However, if you want to change it, you need to believe it.

Believe that you are in control of what goes on in your mind. You control how much space of your mind gets occupied by the negatives and how much space of your mind gets occupied by the positives. When you allow negative feelings and thoughts to consume your mind, you give them space, space that should be filled by the positive thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When we hold on to the negatives in our life, all the hurtful, sad, bad and cruel things in our life, we poison ourselves. It is a poison that slowly kills our creativity, passion and ultimately even love.

When you keep in negative thoughts and emotions you are wasting valuable emotional energy that you need to overcome the hurdels and reach your goals and dreams. You cannot become what you dream of becoming if you just sit around and waste your energy on thoughts that don’t matter and don’t bring any goodness to your life.

If you empty out the negative in your mind and heart you will create room for positive, you will make your mind stronger and make a better life for yourself. You will keep yourself happy and healthy.

We all have negative thoughts, emotions and feelings. But we also have the ability to make a choice, we can choose which emotions – positive or negative – do we want to fill our minds with.


In the words of Joel Osteen
‘ The scripture says “Give no place to the enemy”. It’s not just talking about forces of darkness. That means give no place to guilt, give no place to worry, give no place to bitterness. It can’t come in and automatically take over.’

You see, worry, stress, jealousy, resentment, anger, envy, regret, etc. These are all feelings that we all have. These are a part of life and everyone goes through one or more of these emotions atleast once in their lifetime. The key is not to hold onto these emotions. The best way to overcome negative emotions is not to stick to it neither is it about completely ignoring the feelings. To overcome negative emotions you need to go through the emotions. Let yourself feel bad and then move on, for yourself.

Recognize the emotions that are not beneficial, the emotions that are a burden and don’t let you move forward. Recognize these emotions and move through them. Move on and free yourself from the burden of the negative.

We have heard since a very long time that talking about the bad things in our life will make us feel better. We’ve constantly been told that venting about things would help us take the weight off our shoulders. So, we talk about the negatives, we vent and complain about all the things that are going wrong. What we don’t realise is that that just makes us stick to those negative thoughts for even longer.
Yet, for some reason, we never talk about the good things in our life, all the things that make us happy, all the privileges and blessings that we have in our life. Infact, research conducted at UC Davis has shown that doing things as small as writing for a few minutes a day about the things that you are grateful for can boost your happiness and emotional well being. So, it is important to know the positives in your life and regularly remind yourself about all these things.

Now, in case you are wondering how can we push past the negatives and be mentally strong?
I may have a few suggestions for you.

To be mentally strong you need to practice good mental health habits practicing gratitude and meditation.
But at the same time, you need to give up the bad mental health habits like holding a grudge or resenting someone else’s success.
You need to understand that these bed mental habits will hold you back from reaching your full potential and it will harm your mental peace.

To read more about mental peace band mental strength, check out my blog here:

https://anublogsofficial.art.blog/2021/06/07/how-to-be-mentally-strong-and-protect-your-peace/



But before that
Tell me, what changes are you going to bring to your life to make it better for you?

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF (SELF-AWARENESS)

Let’s start with the most obvious question, what is self-awareness?  

Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves the way others see us, to see how we fit into this crazy world. Self-awareness is about taking a long hard look at ourselves without judgement so we can start making changes that will have a positive impact.

Now, an important question which arises is, why should we be self-aware?

It has been proven by many researches that people who are self-aware are more content, creative and confident than people who are not self-aware. They communicate better, perform better at work and are more effective leaders. Self-awareness gives us a much better shot at finding happiness and success.

So, how can we be self-aware?

It all starts when you take time to get to know yourself. Not just your likes and dislikes or things like that, but also your thoughts. To know your thoughts you need to spend time with yourself, get off your phone and spend time with your thoughts.

Start by writing down your strengths, all the things that will help you get to your vision of success. Know your strengths and keep working on these. Remember,

“It is a person’s strengths that see their success, not the absence of weaknesses”

Next, write down all your weaknesses, all the things that are in the way of your success and happiness. Then start working on making these weaknesses into your strengths.

When you see these weaknesses, it might be upsetting. You need to know that self-awareness hurts, it’s difficult to know all our failures and short comings, that’s the reason why most of us avoid it or have the false idea of self-awareness.  

It is difficult and hurtful to know our weaknesses but it gives us an opportunity for true growth and development, real change happens when we have the courage to face our shadows.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Gustav Jung

The next step is, listen to your thoughts, it is very important to listen to what your subconscious mind is telling you. If you don’t know what you’re thinking then it’s impossible to change the way that you think. Know what are the things that put you off and what are the things that make you think positively about yourself. Start paying more attention to what you’re saying to yourself.

The last step is practice, keep practicing the art of self-awareness, know yourself and spend time with yourself.

Remember that the most important person your life is you, so get to know yourself 🙂