(W/ many other smart people)
Have you ever heard loud, harsh, cruel, negative and really hurtful criticizing words?
I feel like we’ve all heard those at some point of our life, either from outside or from inside. Now, we may not be able to do much about the negativity that comes from outside but we can change the negativity from inside.
So I did a lot of research, which consisted of reading, writing and watching a lot of Ted talks and I’ve found the top 3 ways to of silencing the inner critic and being a better you.
1) THE ONE RULE PRINCIPLE ( by Bhavna Nagar )
This principle simply states, ‘ If I don’t like it from the outside (words or tone of voice), then I can’t use it on the inside.’
This principle, according to me, is the most simplest and maybe the most sensible way of dealing with that nagging voice from the inside.
Bhavna compares this inner critic to a 2 year old, someone who just says whatever they want, and the only way to control this 2 year old voice, is by being a parent to it. Being stern, yet loving. Slowly with a lot of practice, learning and caring we’ll be able to parent this inner 2 year old.
2) C. A. S. T. ( by Melissa Ambrosini )
“.. to help cast aside our inner critic so our true self can shine.”
The way to do this is by following these 4 simple steps.
Step 1: Create a character for this inner critic.
Give it a face, a shape, a body and a name. It can be anything you like. This is really important. It will create a boundary between the inner critic and your true self. It’s important to know that those are 2 completely different things.
Step 2: Awareness
Be aware and know which of these 2, your true self or the inner critic, is doing the talking. Again, remember that they are 2 completely different things.
Step 3: Shut the door.
… on this inner critic. Every time these criticizing thoughts come knocking on your mental door, you tell them, “No thanks, bye!” and close that door on their face. Shut off the negative thoughts just like you would shut off a nosey neighbor when you’re on a bad mood. (Trust me, you don’t have any need for either of them!)
Step 4: Truth
When you do all the above steps, you will finally find out the truth, the truth of who you really are and what you are really worth.
3) 3 WAYS TO TAME YOUR SELF CRITIC ( by Ronnie Grandell )
1) Try to understand the critic’s intent.
The critic inside you is like an angry sports coach. They want you to succeed and be the best version, but they have really poor execution style.
So, the best way to do learn the really intention of this critic is by looking behind the angry, rude, mean, hurtful things that your inner critic says, find the real reason for these words.
Is this inner voice trying to push you into being a better version of yourself? Or is it trying to keep you away from a hurtful situation? Or is it saying all of this just to hurt you? Try to figure it out!
2) Take a step back and personalize the critic.
Just like before, give this inner critic a personality. Give it a name, a face, a way of walking, an accent, anything and everything you want. (Your imagination is the only limit.)
Create distance between this personality and your true self because they are completely different.
Now everytime this unhappy, mean, rude personality decides to pay a visit to your mind, push it away. Again, nosey neighbor. No thanks! (You don’t need that in your life, take it from me)
3) Create a compassionate personality.
Create a nicer version of the angry sports coach in your head. Again, give them personality, face, body, voice, everything.l
Let them be this compassionate, kind, nice, loving and supportive person that will step in to life you up and help you access your inner courage, your inner self and your inner commitment to the things that matter to you.
Now, doing all this research and learning has taught me so many things that I want to summarize with these 5 points:
1) Before taking validation from outside, we need to stop hurting ourselves from the inside. We need to be kind to ourselves before expecting someone else to be kind to us or being kind to someone else.
2) We need to think of this inner critic only as a part of us, not all of us. We need to distance ourselves from this part of us.
3) We need to learn to turn this inner critic into a life coach that will give us that little extra push to reach our goals.
4) We should accept our failures and make amends and try to make things right. But at the same time, we need to question this inner critic from time to time, we need to step back and understand what this inner critic is doing to our mind.
5) Listening to the inner critic will not always make us a better version of us. Sometimes (aka most of the time) it will just make us feel even more down which will just affect our productivity.
[ BTW…. If you want to know some tips to being productive, here it is …. #ShamelessPlug 😉 ]
Fun Fact (because why not)
According to many scientists and researchers, the inner critic is an essential characteristic for many psychological disorders including anxiety, depression and eating disorders. So it’s really really important for us to tackle this inner critic and turn it towards our own benefit.
All these tips, tricks and hacks are not instantaneous. You cannot just wish for it and then wait for it to come true, you need to work towards it. Each day take baby steps to silence that inner critic. It won’t be an easy ride, there will be times that you will fail, you will fall down and you will hurt yourself, but you have to get back up. And whenever you have thoughts like “why even try?” or “what’s the point of all this?”, read this article again, and know that the reason why you’re doing this, is not for anyone else, it’s for you. Why? Because you deserve happiness, and nothing should come in the way of that, not even your inner critic. ♥️