Tag Archives: better us

THE ART OF LISTENING

Listening is perhaps the most important and the most difficult part of having a healthy conversation. The main reason why most people struggle with being good listeners is because of their ego and impatience.

Let’s take a deeper look at listening and (almost) everything about it!

What is listening?

Listening does not mean hearing just to respond. It is hearing to understand.
Listening is not to judge/analyse what the other person is saying, it means to fully concentrate on what is being said. It is about using empathy and compassion and understanding the complete message, including the underlying emotional message conveyed.


Active listening is a technique to develop our ability to listen and make an effort to truly understand what the other person is trying to say.
It doesn’t need to be about agreeing with everything that is being said, it’s about respecting the other person and their opinion and avoiding judgmental tones or words.
It is about listening to what the other person is saying without having judgment or assumptions.

Why is listening important?

Being a good listener makes you an even better communicator. Your conversations and/or feedback really depends upon your listening skills, if you’re not a good listener, your response can be faulty.

Listening is not only a learning opportunity for you, but it is also one of the fastest and easiest way of making friends and building your network.
As human beings we are social creatures and by actively listening to people around us, we are able to connect, co-operate, develop and understand ourselves and each other.

Listening is a critical skill to have in a workspace. It helps you learn about the people that you work with and allows you to have a crystal clear understanding of the conversations which will help you make better decisions and solve problems.

Good listening skills will help you understand other people’s perspective better and understand any underlying feelings that they are unable to express. Also, by being an empathetic listener, you create a space for taking your own feelings and thoughts into account and taking a much closer look at them.

Finally, listening is the first base for growth, it helps you make good decisions and at the same time it slows you down to take a careful look at a situation before taking any decision or giving an opinion.

How to be a good listener?

Listen for curiosity and not for the sake of listening just to reply. Real effective communication cannot happen if we pretend to listen and it will certainly not happen if we don’t listen at all.

When listening to someone, try to have your full focus on them and their story rather than getting distracted or reflecting on your past experience or thinking of an answer or comeback.

Try to listen with an open mind and give the other person space and time to effectively communicate and express themselves and give their opinion.
It’s always easier to come to a compromise or find the best solution when everyone has the opportunity to explain their experience and understand the other person’s position.

Ask questions and take into consideration the whole situation before coming to a solid conclusion. Try to take a step back and analyse the whole situation from the other person’s point of view before giving any answer or advice.

To make someone feel heard, maintain eye contact (but try not to be creepy!) and give subtle indications like nodding. You can also ask questions and/or simply paraphrase what they said (or you could combine it and do both! For example – “so you’re saying… because…and …?”). This will make them feel heard and understood and make you feel engaging as well.

What am I doing wrong?/ Things not to do

Poor listening skills create walls in Communication and make things difficult and build more chance for mishappenings and accidents, especially due to miscommunication or incorrect assumptions/conclusions.

The first and most important thing to keep in mind while listening is : listen to understand, not to reply.

So the next time you listen to someone, listen to actually understand what they’re saying.
Don’t try to finish their sentences or interrupt them, allow them to finish, that way you can have a proper idea of their point of view and come to a better conclusion.

Secondly, try to avoid any and all narcissism. Try not to make it all about you or think about your own past experiences while the person is talking.
Although it is good to give advice from past experiences and mistakes, not paying full attention to the speaker might make them feel that you’re not interested and you might miss out on any key points.

And finally, do not think about your reply or get distracted by anything else, try to keep your full attention on the speaker and their story.

ASKING WHY

Do you remember a time when you were young, asking questions about anything and everything around you. The innocent little ‘why’, ‘where’, ‘how’, and ‘who’ that made people around you laugh and more often sigh in annoyance.
Toddlers have more curiosity in life than most adults. They are not afraid or ashamed to ask the question ‘why’ to anything and everything that catches their attention.

If you’re one of the few adults who has questions about your surroundings and still have that childlike natural curiosity, great! Trust me, this curiosity will really open up your heart and mind to your surroundings and to the people around you.
You bring a childlike energy and happiness everywhere you go and a lot of people need that in their lives which is why you’re important to them.



Now if you’re someone who has lost touch with that innocent childlike curiosity, I suggest you bring it back! And here’s why :

According to lifehack, “When you question things, asking why regularly, it can move you in a new direction and get you thinking about your core values and beliefs.”

Because this article is all about questions, let’s start with this first question:-

Why is asking ‘Why’ important?

When we ask questions (especially why) we open new doors to new opportunities.
Asking why eliminated confusion that are caused by assumptions. Also, asking why brings a much clearer picture infront of everyone and brings the whole team on the same page. Questions are tools that help us explore and solve problems on the workfront. Questions lead to actions and inspire people to be innovative.
Good decision makers and prominant leaders constantly ask ‘why’, this helps in getting closer to the core problems and issues and gives an insight to solving the problem.



If you would have noticed, these points are from a ‘professional’ or ‘workplace’ point of view. So let’s go a little deeper.


Let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our relationships?

In any relationship being honest is the most important thing and asking why will help the other person be honest with you and you can get rid of all the worries and misconceptions growing in your mind.
If you’re someone who loves helping people and making people happy, especially people that are close to you, then you should ask them ‘why’. More specifically ask them about their lives, their dreams, why they chose their career? Why are they happy? Why are they sad? Why did they decide to wear the clothes that the are wearing?
The questions you ask can be big or small, light hearted or deep. What matters is you ask them questions.

When we show real interest in another person it makes them feel special. Asking why (or any other question) will lead to heart to heart open ended questions that can lift up the other person’s spirits, and at times, even yours!

Another benefit of asking why and questioning things around you is that you inspire people, especially young people around you.
When you openly question things and people around you, you inspire people, you inspire them to be fearless, confident and curious, all qualities that will help them (and you) to develp themselves and grow and ultimately become better versions of themselves.


I feel like we’re getting somewhat deep, so let’s go deeper, let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our self?

Asking yourself why you do things will give you a better outlook and remind you of the prize of your hardwork.
Many times we are so busy by the outside world that we forget to look in.
Check in with your inner self to make sure you’re okay and to calm yourself in any tense situations.
You can question yourself to motivate yourself and keep the confidence and faith alive in you.
Questions can change you as an individual and even the most smallest question has the potential to completely transform who you are.

Now that we’re a little more clear with the why let’s move to what.

So, what is a good question?

A ‘good question’ is a question that comes from your mind and/or heart and not an attempt to be cheeky. It should be a question that comes to your mind/heart from geniune interest and curiosity that can keep you up at night if you don’t get an answer to it.
Great questions are not those that have a (supposedly) right answer. Good questions are those that lead to deep and heart to heart conversations, whether with ourselves or with someone else, and help us reflect and think about things that matter (both professionally and personally).


Now let’s go one step further and look into the how.
How can we ask good question? Or more importantly, how can we bring back our inner naturally curious child?

Try to develop a confident nature, to ask questions and be curious without being afraid or ashamed. Use that confidence to encourage yourself to think deeply and develop new ideas.
Try to learn about new things through books or even online courses, this can help you communicate efficiently and ask deeper questions and it might even help you find a new hobby or passion.



An important thing to keep in mind is that people can become defensive or really shy or introverted by certain questions or sudden changes in topics or even suddenly getting a deep question thrown at them. When asking questions or going in for deep conversations try to slowly ease into the topic instead of randomly throwing it at them.



The most important thing to always remember is that questions are like a key to many unopened doors. Doors that can lead us inside a bigger world, better people and even inside a better version of us.

I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.

Albert Einstein

LEARNING TO SILENCE THE INNER CRITIC

(W/ many other smart people)

Have you ever heard loud, harsh, cruel, negative and really hurtful criticizing words?

I feel like we’ve all heard those at some point of our life, either from outside or from inside. Now, we may not be able to do much about the negativity that comes from outside but we can change the negativity from inside.

So I did a lot of research, which consisted of reading, writing and watching a lot of Ted talks and I’ve found the top 3 ways to of silencing the inner critic and being a better you.

1) THE ONE RULE PRINCIPLE ( by Bhavna Nagar )

This principle simply states, ‘ If I don’t like it from the outside (words or tone of voice), then I can’t use it on the inside.’

This principle, according to me, is the most simplest and maybe the most sensible way of dealing with that nagging voice from the inside.

Bhavna compares this inner critic to a 2 year old, someone who just says whatever they want, and the only way to control this 2 year old voice, is by being a parent to it. Being stern, yet loving. Slowly with a lot of practice, learning and caring we’ll be able to parent this inner 2 year old.

2) C. A. S. T. ( by Melissa Ambrosini )

“.. to help cast aside our inner critic so our true self can shine.”

The way to do this is by following these 4 simple steps.

Step 1: Create a character for this inner critic.

Give it a face, a shape, a body and a name. It can be anything you like. This is really important. It will create a boundary between the inner critic and your true self. It’s important to know that those are 2 completely different things.

Step 2: Awareness

Be aware and know which of these 2, your true self or the inner critic, is doing the talking. Again, remember that they are 2 completely different things.

Step 3: Shut the door.

… on this inner critic. Every time these criticizing thoughts come knocking on your mental door, you tell them, “No thanks, bye!” and close that door on their face. Shut off the negative thoughts just like you would shut off a nosey neighbor when you’re on a bad mood. (Trust me, you don’t have any need for either of them!)

Step 4: Truth

When you do all the above steps, you will finally find out the truth, the truth of who you really are and what you are really worth.

3) 3 WAYS TO TAME YOUR SELF CRITIC ( by Ronnie Grandell )

1) Try to understand the critic’s intent.

The critic inside you is like an angry sports coach. They want you to succeed and be the best version, but they have really poor execution style.

So, the best way to do learn the really intention of this critic is by looking behind the angry, rude, mean, hurtful things that your inner critic says, find the real reason for these words.

Is this inner voice trying to push you into being a better version of yourself? Or is it trying to keep you away from a hurtful situation? Or is it saying all of this just to hurt you? Try to figure it out!

2) Take a step back and personalize the critic.

Just like before, give this inner critic a personality. Give it a name, a face, a way of walking, an accent, anything and everything you want. (Your imagination is the only limit.)

Create distance between this personality and your true self because they are completely different.

Now everytime this unhappy, mean, rude personality decides to pay a visit to your mind, push it away. Again, nosey neighbor. No thanks! (You don’t need that in your life, take it from me)

3) Create a compassionate personality.

Create a nicer version of the angry sports coach in your head. Again, give them personality, face, body, voice, everything.l

Let them be this compassionate, kind, nice, loving and supportive person that will step in to life you up and help you access your inner courage, your inner self and your inner commitment to the things that matter to you.

Now, doing all this research and learning has taught me so many things that I want to summarize with these 5 points:

1) Before taking validation from outside, we need to stop hurting ourselves from the inside. We need to be kind to ourselves before expecting someone else to be kind to us or being kind to someone else.

2) We need to think of this inner critic only as a part of us, not all of us. We need to distance ourselves from this part of us.

3) We need to learn to turn this inner critic into a life coach that will give us that little extra push to reach our goals.

4) We should accept our failures and make amends and try to make things right. But at the same time, we need to question this inner critic from time to time, we need to step back and understand what this inner critic is doing to our mind.

5) Listening to the inner critic will not always make us a better version of us. Sometimes (aka most of the time) it will just make us feel even more down which will just affect our productivity.

[ BTW…. If you want to know some tips to being productive, here it is …. #ShamelessPlug 😉 ]

Fun Fact (because why not)

According to many scientists and researchers, the inner critic is an essential characteristic for many psychological disorders including anxiety, depression and eating disorders. So it’s really really important for us to tackle this inner critic and turn it towards our own benefit.

Bonus Tip

All these tips, tricks and hacks are not instantaneous. You cannot just wish for it and then wait for it to come true, you need to work towards it. Each day take baby steps to silence that inner critic. It won’t be an easy ride, there will be times that you will fail, you will fall down and you will hurt yourself, but you have to get back up. And whenever you have thoughts like “why even try?” or “what’s the point of all this?”, read this article again, and know that the reason why you’re doing this, is not for anyone else, it’s for you. Why? Because you deserve happiness, and nothing should come in the way of that, not even your inner critic. ♥️

TOP TIPS TO BE PRODUCTIVE

We’re all humans and we all have dreams and goals, some big and some small, but the only way to reach these goals is by working towards these goals. But if you’re a procrastinator like me being productive and getting things done might be difficult. So here are some tips that might just help you be a better version of yourself.

TOP TIPS

1) Know your daily goals

This is the first and most basic step to being productive. This is important because not knowing the goals for the day makes us random and it takes much more time to get things done.
The best way to do this is by a to-do list. Write it down, either on a paper, or an app on your phone or even on your calendar, just note it down somewhere so your brain doesn’t need to remember all these tasks, it can just focus on the work at hand.

Pro tip – Instead of deciding all the things and tasks in the morning and wasting precious time, write it all down the night before, that way you can wake up ready to hustle.

2) Map your day

Map out the things you have to do, don’t just write down random words or vague sentences. Write down the actual steps and plan of action that are clear. This way you will have the exact steps lined up for you and you can do your work with lesser things going wrong.

3) Prioritise

Know the most important and crucial tasks of your day and start working on those.
When making a to-do list try to break up the task into smaller mini-tasks and get to work on the first one in the sequence.
Finishing the first task will encourage and motivate you to work on the remaining mini-tasks and it will be easier to finish the task.

4) Goals and times

We only have 24 hours in a day, so we need to put every minute to work.
After organizing all the tasks, assign due dates and timers as much as possible and try to get things done within the alloted times.
Develop the habit of working fast while doing the best that you can. (It’s not easy but practice makes perfect… or atleast the thing closest to perfect)
Also, try to get onto a task and finish it as soon as possible instead of pushing it away for some other time.

5) Track yourself

Keep an eye on your to-do list and your timing. Review these often.
Keep track of your to-do list to make sure that you’re not overworking and doing work that is not necessarily important.
Keeping track of your timing ensures that you don’t spend too much time on a particular task and that you distribute and use your time effectively.

TOP MISTAKES

1) Time crunch

Not giving enough time to complete a task is a mistake all of us have done at some point. It’s important to not take too much time to do a task but at the same time it’s important to allow yourself enough time to complete the task successfully.

2) Assumptions

… specifically assumptions that everything will go right. Always assume that there will be hurdles along the way and allot sufficient time to deal with these problems.

3) Not enough vision

Not having the proper vision and goal will just increase the number of hurdles that come in your path. Make sure that before you begin anything ( a project, a task, an activity etc) you have a clear vision and you know the path to that vision.

4) Stress

Constantly stressing out can put your mental and physical health at risk. It will also effect your productivity. Identify the stress causing factors in your life, develop ways to de-stress and if possible, avoid these stress causing media.

5) Depending on yourself

Don’t get me wrong, being independent is a great thing and often times it seems like the best course of action. But in most cases, doing everything by yourself can lead to eventual burnout.
We’re all humans and we all have only a specific amount of energy in a day, it is impossible to expect ourselves to do everything on our own.
Get help, it may be in the form of an app or a device that helps you organize your day and other small things like that or maybe even hiring people to help you out in your work.

EXTRA TIPS (because why not)

• Remove distractions – delete apps, place your phone out of reach and turn off notifications.
• Focus on one thing at a time.
• Keep your home and workspace clean and organized to avoid chaos.
• Get the proper amount of sleep.
• Exercise regularly.
• Eat healthy.
• Take breaks in between work.

If you want anymore tips on how to work efficiently then check out my other blog post here:-

https://anublogsofficial.art.blog/2021/05/23/how-to-work-efficiently/


(Shameless plug 😉 )

TOP TIPS TO COMMUNICATE

If you’re an introvert, trust me, this blog is definitely going to help you express yourself and build your confidence. On the other hand, if you are an extrovert then you too can be benefitted by this blog, it will help you deliver your message across more openly and clearly. 😉

So, let’s begin!



WHY IS CLEAR COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT?

Effective communication is really important for an organized life and it is far too important to ignore or leave to fate.

When you strengthen your communication skills you eliminate unnecessary rework and wasted time from misunderstandings.

Poor communication or bad communication skills will just make life harder for you. It will be the root cause for various misunderstandings, conflicts and confusions which can go on to affect your productivity as well as relationships.

It is better to be a frequent and open communicator who can easily talk about things and problems rather than being an under communicator.

During difficult times under communication can cause troublesome situations.



QUICK TIPS (GENERAL)

When communicating, especially about important things, stick to the topic and try not to add too much unnecessary information since it might confuse the recipient.

Know the objective of the conversation and be clear about the message.

Don’t rush into conversations, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and calm your mind and deliver the message in a straightforward way.

Keep in mind the type of people you are communicating with and frame your message according to it.

Make sure that the recipient has understood the message clearly. You can check this by asking them to repeat the same information to you. It will help avoid any and all confusion.



MOST COMMON MISTAKES

Communicating with everyone the same way. (Realise that different audiences require different communication styles.)

Less questions, more assumptions.

Less listening, more talking.

Small minded thoughts. (Try to keep an open mind for everyone’s opinions and views.)

Negative approach towards the conversation. (Using negative tones and words creates an emotional distance between you and the recipient.)



QUICK TIPS (FOR INTROVERTS)

Challenge yourself and move out of your comfort zone.

Be the first to start a new conversation. Many people around you may feel the same way. So forget about your worries and reach out to new people.

Take a minute to think about the things you want to talk about. Have questions ready that will help you begin new conversations.
Pro tip – Try thinking of topics which you’re comfortable with or maybe a deep and meaningful topic, that way you can have a long conversation without any awkward small talk in between.

Once you start a new conversation, try to ask as many questions as possible and practice listening.

Try to relax and enjoy the conversation and don’t stress out too much.

Problems tend to build up more when we keep them bottled up inside us. If you’re having a problem with the people around you, try to communicate about it openly and find a solution to it or come to an agreement that works for everyone involved.



QUICK TIPS (FOR EXTROVERTS)

Ask questions and get feedback from people around you.

If you make mistakes, communicate with the people around you and try to understand where you went wrong.

Whenever a bad situation comes up, try not to point the blame at the other person/people.

Instead of using phrases like “You didn’t…” or “Because of you…” and “If you didn’t/hadn’t…” try using phrases like “It hurts me when…” or “I couldn’t…” or “It is an inconvenience for me when…”. The other person will be less defensive and will be able to understand the issue from your point of view.

During problematic situations, once you explain your point of view, take time to hear out the other person and try to understand the situation from their point of view as well.



IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

Listening is the other half of communication and is overlooked most of the time.

The true benefit of listening is not for the speaker but for the listener.

Being able to listen and understand to other people and their ideas and implementing those to our own is a very great trait to have.

Make effort to be a good listener. When you can listen to someone and understand them properly, you will be able to explain yourself better as well.



BEST OF THE BEST (FOR TOP COMMUNICATORS)

Make the effort to try and inspire others through your communication.

Try to spread important messages through your words and make a difference to the world around you.

Make conversations less about you and more about the people around you and the things that matter to you.

Instead of communicating about things that are negative and hateful, try communicating about kindness, truth, humanity or anything and everything else that you are passionate about.

Try to spread positivity through your words and through your influence.




That’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me, which of these tips will you start using from today??