Category Archives: Self improvement

BEING ALONE

What does being alone mean to you?

As an introvert – I prefer being alone. Being alone with myself, my thoughts and a book is all I need to be happy.

But I remember a time when I was younger and I absolutely hated being alone. I loved to surround myself with people, to talk endlessly, to pick their brains on everything around me and to just have that presence of people around me made me happy.

But as I grew up I learnt to love my own company more. There were many other things, like, I learnt that my opinion is not always welcome, especially in a discussion in which only the “elders” opinion mattered, I learnt that being too open is not always a good thing and being too nosey is not always appreciated and that sometimes, I just needed to shut up.

Maybe it was the many ‘ticking offs’ that I got, or maybe it was just self realisation, but something made me become less and less of an extrovert.

I became less interested in going out and meeting new people and making new friends, less interested in going out of my way to interact with people outside of my close circle of friends and even less interested in talking about myself.

I became an introvert,and now as a highschool teenager – I just see myself going more and more into preferring my own company over everyone else.

The only time that I ever feel comfortable talking – about myself or about other things – is through my words, more specifically, the words that I write.
Maybe that is the reason why I’m interested in reading other people’s words and their experiences of life, through those words that they’ve written.

But, we as humans, are social creatures. We need social interaction – even if we think we don’t need it, we all do.

I’ve realised that social interaction isn’t merely limited to talking to someone – either face to face or on the phone – it’s more than that.
Texting, talking, reading, writing – it’s all social interaction! Anything that connects you to people around you is social interaction.
Heck, social media has just made social interaction so much more easier. You don’t even need to post anything, just watching and observing someone on social media is interaction!
But I guess even that has its limits.

After a point there’s going to be a voice inside you – a crazy human part of you that’s going to crave real human conversations- silly, useless, unnecessary, simple conversations, even small talk would seem like a lifesaver. Something which we all went through during the harsh times of the pandemic.
But on the flip side, some people (like me) craved some solitude. To be alone, not being bothered by people, not being constantly around people is all that some people wanted.

Being alone also has its downsides. If you’re alone for too long, it starts messing with your thoughts – especially if you’re going through tough times.
It forces you to overthink small and unnecessary things and brings a lot of stress.
Also, being alone brings out many unhealthy habits.

So its not all that good to be alone.

But what if you’re like me and do not like even the idea of socialising with people? (Especially a face to face real conversation)

Well, here are some things that I’ve realised (by being alone a lot and trying to socialize a lot)
It’s not easy to strike up a conversation with people, but if you can, find a common topic that interests everyone included in the conversation. You can have some good healthy conversations without feeling too overwhelmed.
Another tip if you’re like me and feel that a one-on-one conversation is too direct for you, try having a conversation with a group of people, that way you won’t have to lead the conversation or be the centre of it, it will just flow by itself.

Find the best way of social interaction for yourself. Whether it’s by reading or writing or simply observing people around you on social media – and get comfortable with sharing the things that interest you.
Soon you’ll be able to interact with people and have amazing fruitful conversations on things that you love.

At the end of the day I still prefer being alone with myself. Not being bothered by anyone and having the music on blast is when I’m the most productive and find myself the happiest. Sure, there are times when I would like to spend time with my closest friends and just have fun with them.
But on some days, after a long conversation, I feel exhausted and just crave to spend some time alone and just do nothing.
Not that my friends are overwhelming or the conversations with them are exhausting – no! They’re amazing and I’m forever grateful to all the awesome friends I have – but a part of me gets exhausted by putting in that effort.

See, it’s easier for me to enter an existing conversation and let it flow than to start up a whole conversation and get it running. Some of you might relate to this.

So starting a conversation, even if it is with my closest friends is tiring and as someone who finds social situations even more tiring, sometimes it gets scary – the idea of going up to people and starting intelligent conversations stirs a weird anxiety inside.

Does anyone else feel that way?

Obviously it’s not a healthy habit and with time will just get worse and affect your everyday life.

Each day I try to open myself up more and spend more time with the people around me. Some people are easy to open up to and have an enjoyable conversation with, some people- not so much.
I have days when just the thought of conversing with my own family gives me a headache, but I also have days when I’m searching for people to talk to and bond with.

And for everyone that’s going through a difficult time – sometimes things go like that, topsy-turvy, filled with highs and lows, a crazy rollercoaster ride. You just need to push through, one day at a time, with the only person to please being yourself.


Before I go, I ask you again – what does being alone mean to you?
Is it that one thing you crave for? Or is it that one thing you absolutely hate? Or is it something you have mixed feelings for?
Tell me, I’d love to know!

THE IDEA OF PERFECTION

What, according to you, is perfect?
Is it that character you saw in a movie or that lead in your favourite book? Is it that one person in your class/at work whom everyone looks up to.

The idea of perfection varies from person to person and time to time. It’s a lot like coffee.


Different people have different preferences when it comes to coffee and some don’t like coffee, it just goes with what you’re in the mood for.
Perfection is just like that, everyone’s idea of ‘perfect’ is different, and it changes from place to place and time to time.


When you’re in school it might be that person who has the most friends and hangs out with the popular crowd, when you grow older it might become the people that have a well paying job and are respected in the community.



The thing to note is that ‘perfect’ is not the same for everyone, all of us feel that perfect is different, better and something unlike us.
Everyone has, atleast once in their life, compared themselves to their idea of ‘perfect’.



But the question that arises is, “Why are some things considered to be perfect, while others are not?”

The idea of perfection is very different for different people but the reality of the situation is – nothing and no one is perfect!



We all have this idea of perfect in our head that we have put up on a pedestal and look up to and aspire to be and many times force ourselves to be.
We do the most absurd things to fit the idea of ‘perfect’. We put ourselves on diets and trainings and all sorts of things that we might not even want to do but we do it, just to fit this idea of perfect, which we’ve made up in our head!



Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with following a healthy lifestyle and doing things that keep you healthy and fit, but putting yourself through things that you don’t even want to do or are unhealthy for you, just to fit this image of ‘perfect body’ is wrong.
The same way, there’s nothing wrong with having a good job that pays well and gives you a high position in society, but doing that while pushing away your passion and happiness, just to match your parents idea of ‘the perfect child’ or society’s idea of ‘the perfect match’ is wrong.

There are so many other instances when we push away our own happiness and peace of mind just to fit the idea of perfect, something that will never be able to bring us true happiness.



Have you ever admired someone? Thought them to be the living version of perfect? Idolised them to such a level that you dreamt and aspired to be them?
Well, I have, and I had to learn it the hard way thay nothing and no one is perfect. Everyone has their good and bad side, everyone has their own shortcomings and everyone has days that are good and that are bad.
Putting someone on that pedestal and expecting them to fit your idea of perfect is not right. Accepting someone for who they are, good and bad, is the way to show true admiration and letting someone know that you actually care about them.



There’s nothing wrong with helping someone become better and improve but it’s always important to know our limits and not push ourselves and at the same time remind others to be careful and not push themselves too hard.


I don’t know about you, but I grew up watching people that had the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect laugh, everything that fit society’s idea of ‘perfect’ and that shaped my idea of perfect, which made me push myself in that direction, in a direction that seemed so wonderful, but was so dark and did not give me any happiness.

In the end, I don’t fit the idea of perfect! I don’t have the perfect smile, the perfect grades or the perfect behaviour. I’m not that and the first time I accepted that, it scared me, I was not what everyone wanted me to be and I might never become that, but now I’ve learnt to accept myself as that, as that imperfect, silly little girl, that might never make anyone proud, but atleast I’m happy.

I’m happy and I’m comfortable in my own skin… actually that’s not true, I’m not completely comfortable, I have days when I’m so bold and comfortable and feel so grand , and then I have days when I’m insecure, self conscious and scared and that is completely okay!
It’s a long hard journey and I’m going to make it, one day at a time. Baby steps.


And I want to encourage everyone reading this, take a moment and analyse yourself, what about you do you think is imperfect or doesn’t fit your version of ‘perfect’? What do you think is perfect? More importantly, why do you think it’s perfect? Why not put yourself into the idea of imperfect and love that?
There is so much beauty in imperfections – in all our imperfections, it’s high time that we stop praising the idea of perfect and learn to love ourselves a little more each day and grow each day.



Let’s learn to surround ourselves with people and things that help us develop self love, that help us love us for who we are and help us become better and happier.

There could be a hundred things that could make us upset, make us feel bad, about ourselves and the world around us, so it’s important to find love in ourselves, only then can we find love for the world outside.
And one of the best ways to love ourselves is to rid ourselves from the idea of perfect, to fall in love with our own imperfections.



It’s great if you can make yourself a better version of you and it’s great to try to be a better version of yourself every day, but it’s important to love yourself, regardless of who you could be, it’s about loving yourself as who you are, because there is so much to love about yourself…

To love yourself is the path to loving the world & to love the world is to spread love, peace and happiness

POWER OF TOGETHERNESS AND HUMANITY

Preface
This was written in the midst of COVID-19 pandemic and a few days ago I came across this and decided to change it up a little based on the current situation going around.

During the time of this pandemic, all our lives have changed drastically.
We witnessed people being really sick, some coming through stronger and healthier and some who no longer hold our hands.
We saw the arrival of zoom meetings, Google meet and other ways of working, studying and connecting with people.

Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.

Helen Keller

Since then we’ve all gotten used to this new way of life, in some ways, it has become the new ‘normal’.

Throughout this whole experience, right from the discovery of this virus, to seeing it rapidly spread globally, to then getting the vaccine (speaking of which, if you haven’t, get the vaccine!!!) and now to this point where things are getting more or less back to normal, we’ve consistently seen the power of togetherness and humanity.

We saw people coming together (while staying apart), keeping their masks on, staying home and most importantly, constantly supporting and cheering on the people working hard for us.

We’ve seen humanity evolve into this version of us that we haven’t seen in a long time.
We have seen kindness and compassion and love in each other’s hearts, and we saw some of them showing it through their actions.

I remember December 2019, sitting at home and thinking, “Gosh! 2019 was horrible. But 2020 is going to be my year!” (As most of us thought). But then 2020 came in with a bang, just not the kind we expected.

When the thought of staying at home with my family finally settled in, I was horrified, could you imagine, being home, stuck with them 24/7. Gosh!

But we all got used to that after a point and things started getting into a routine. We all learnt to deal with the people around us and the differences we have with them. We learnt to forgive our past and started looking for a brighter future (which most of us are still doing!)

Most of us have reached out to the people that we haven’t spoken to in a long while. That friend that turned their back on us in middle school, that aunt who was really mean to us and even little Billy from kindergarten (hi Billy!) and if you haven’t, then you should! Let go of the bad memories from the past and embrace this time.

I think that is what humanity and togetherness is about, it’s about letting go of the harsh past and working for a beautiful and better future, for ourselves and for others.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean, if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.

Mahatma Gandhi

I won’t deny the fact that there are some people who tend to go in the direction opposite to humanity and cause trouble for others (hi Karen!) but at the same time, there are people that move and guide people to the direction of greatness.

This is another great trait of humanity and togetherness. Together we’re able to push past the point of negativity and let positivity take the spotlight.
We’re able to create and spread a sense of togetherness by spreading kindness and love to everyone around us.

We’ve seen time and time again, the power of togetherness and the message we’re able to spread together. Right from the #MeToo to the #BlackLivesMatter and then #AllLivesMatter and countless others that have taken the spotlight.

We constantly see people supporting each other and spreading the message of togetherness and love.

I won’t disregard all the bad things that have happened in the past, but through kindness, love and compassion, we’ve been able to get through those bad times and we’ve come back stronger and better than ever.

To anyone out there who is going through tough times, I want to let you know, things will become better.
Nothing bad lasts forever, just as nothing good lasts forever, which means we need to learn from these times and accept the change.

I want you to share the thoughts you have during these hard times and even in the good times. Share them with a friend, a family member, a loved one, a colleague or even me! (You can comment them below if you like, or you can mail me at talkwithanuwp@gmail.com I would love to hear from you!)

At the end, I want everyone reading this to know, we’re all going through the highs and lows of life, but we can come out of it wiser, stronger and better, using the power of togetherness and humanity.

TAKING CRITICISM

Criticism – it’s something we all hear, some people even hear it on a daily basis.
Friends, teachers, parents, co-workers, siblings and sometimes- even strangers criticise us for almost everything we do whether good or bad, big or small.

Let’s go deeper and take a dive into the world of criticism and try to understand (almost) everything about it.

As we all may (or may not) know, criticism is important for us! To grow and be better at what we do and even to be better people, we need outside criticism to guide us.
But most of the time, we tend to take criticism in the negative way.

We feel hurt and attacked by most criticism that we recieve, and in some cases it is true that the criticism comes from a place of hatred and negativity rather than from positivity and well-wishes.
But sometimes we feel hurt by even the positive criticism that wasn’t meant to be negative, instead it was meant to be taken positively and for our own growth.

It’s important to keep in mind that while taking criticism, try to keep an open mind and keeping your emotions out.
Do not react to it or take it personally, instead take a deep breath and look at it from the other side, find out what are your weak points and what can you do to make yourself better.
Constructive criticism is the way to know our weaknesses and improve by working on them. But if we get defensive and try to prove the critique wrong, it won’t help us truly understand the message being delivered and won’t let us improve.

We shouldn’t be afraid of criticism or be hurt by it, rather, we should use it as fuel to do better and learn from them.

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

Winston Churchill

Criticism helps you learn and understand your shortcomings and helps you make better decisions in the future to make better changes in yourself and in your work.
It can show you the spots that you’ve been missing and more often, gives you a helping hand that will support you and guide you.

As humans, we react to different criticism in different ways. The way we react to each critique will determine how it will affect us and our work.

If you pay too much attention to negative, hurtful and bashing criticism, then you’ll just end up hurting yourself and your confidence.
On the other hand, if you dismiss every single piece of advice and criticism that you recieve, you won’t grow.
If you pay attention to criticism without letting your emotions get in the way, you can properly understand the criticism. You can then analyse it and take what is useful for you and can help you grow.

If you find something hurtful, meaningless and bitter, shrug it off and don’t let it break your confidence.

You have to take criticism with a grain of salt because you’re never going to please everybody.

Yolanda Adams

It’s important to know where you take criticism from. Know that you cannot please everybody, which also means that you do not have to pay attention to everybody’s opinion of you or your work.

Be mindful of the people that criticise you and before paying attention to them or letting their words get to you, ask yourself, does this person know what you’re going through? Have they been in the same field of work/the same situation? Does this person genuinely want you to grow and become better or are the words coming from a place of hatered and/or negativity?

Ask yourself if it is even worth letting the harsh words of this person take up your valuable time, energy and mental as well as emotional happiness and strength.

You need to remember that everyone that criticises you doesn’t necessarily mean the best for you.

If the person offering you advice/criticism is from the same field of work or has similar experiences in life and they actually wish you to be happy and want the best for you, treat their advice as gold, but if anyone with a bad intention decides to let you know their opinion on your life, push them away (maybe not literally!)

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.

Frank A Clark.

COMFORT ZONE

Have you ever made a decision that made you uncomfortable? Something for the ‘greater good’ that was out of your comfort zone? If you have, then you would know that pushing past those boundaries of comfort ultimately brings out the best in you.
If you haven’t then I really suggest you do.

Anyone that is unfamiliar with the concept of comfort zone might ask ‘What is comfort zone?’
A comfort zone isn’t necessarily a place, it’s a habit, a habit of avoiding uncomfortable situations or new things and risks. It’s a safe mental space where your work, behavior, thoughts and actions fit a routine and pattern, which minimises stress and anxiety. This safe space gives a sense of mental security.


Comfort zone doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It’s a state that people generally tend to move towards. Leaning away from it brings increased risks and chances of failure, not to mention stress and anxiety, but depending upon how you react to it, it can have positive or negative effect.

Behind the walls of comfort lies the unknown that brings out the most valuable lessons.

Let’s dig deeper, and as some of you might be thinking, Why should you step out of your comfort zone?
Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you feel vulnerable, it gives you anxiety and stress. But this can work in your favour if you let it. It improves your performance and can push you towards success.

Moving out of the comfort zone is necessary to rise above and reach greatness, the comfort may make you feel safe and pleasant, but that doesn’t make it good for you. Infact, if you don’t push past this comfort zone, it’s going to get smaller.
Remember that the more we stick with what is familiar, the more we’re going to be afraid of moving to the unfamiliar.
You need to let go of the thoughts in your head that tell you to stick to the comfort zone, because it blocks your view of the bigger picture and the growth you can achieve by stepping out of this comfort zone.

The comfort zone is the wall between you and greatness and success, and the only way to tear down this wall is by pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations.
If you’re someone who is confused with what you’re meant to do in life, take that first step and step into the uncomfortable zone, that’s the only way you’ll realise your true calling.

Without having the uncomfortable feeling of deadlines and targets, we cannot push ourselves to do the best of our abilities. We tend to go the bare minimum of what is required of us and often fall into the ‘work trap’ which is basically just telling yourself you’re ‘busy’ to avoid stepping out of the comfort zone and trying new things.

Before we move on to ‘how’, let’s first learn about 2 more zones that you’re going to have to face on your journey from comfort to success.

The first is, Learning Zone.
It’s the period of time we spend learning – it doesn’t need to be academic knowledge, ot could even be the time you teach yourself a certain skill or even absorbing the things that you learn on an everyday basis that helps you improve. This is a zone that you should be in all the time, not just on the path to success but even after getting to success.

The second zone is, Performance Zone.
It’s the point of time where you apply what you have learnt and work towards success.

Now that we’ve covered that part, let’s move on to How can you step out of the comfort zone?

The first thing to keep in mind is that getting out of your comfort zone is not an overnight process. It will only come true by taking small steps and working towards that goal every single day.
Try expanding your comfort zone one step at a time.

Step 1) Identify the thing that is most important to you, the thing that you want to move ahead with.
The best way to know what your true calling is, is by moving towards things that are unfamiliar and new to you. You don’t need to expose yourself to it all of a sudden, again, go one day at a time. This will be the first step out of the comfort zone.

Step 2) Take the decision to start working on it.
Once you figure out what you want to do, start pursuing it. If you have to, set a date, place and time. This will be the entry to unfamiliar territory.

Step 3) Build your courage.
Once you start working on this goal, you will get even farther away from the comfort zone, and when you do that, you’ll be scared, and it’s okay. It takes a lot of courage just to identify these fears and then working on them.
You need to remember that when you build this courage, you will be able to face your fears and not only that, but you’ll also be able to take risks and make bold moves, that sometimes might give a great outcome, but sometimes might make you look like a fool, and you need to have courage for that.

Step 4) Follow this consistently with a positive mindset.
The most important step in this process. You need to have the mindset to push through all the difficult times and consistently work on yourself. You need to have the willingness to make mistakes and learn from them to work on your weaknesses. You need to be able to consistently put yourself in uncomfortable situations to develop and grow.

Now that we know the what, why and how, let’s go over some things to remember.

  • Choose to step out of the comfort zone, because if you don’t step out of it and put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you will not grow and ultimately, you will not get to success
  • Everytime you feel overwhelmed by something, walk away from it for a few minutes, clear your head, meditate, drink a glass of water, walk or even take a power nap. This will help you relax and even find a solution to problems or look at things from a fresh perspective.
  • Outside your comfort zone you will find people and situations that inspire you, push you to work harder and even irritate and annoy you. When you deal with these people and these situations, you grow and reach your full potential.
  • Think big and set targets and goals out of your comfort zone. Remember, the bigger the challenge, the harder you push yourself to work harder. Keep in mind that setting unattainable goals for yourself will only lead to more stress, fear, worry and anxiety which will lead to procrastination, which is only going to be counter-productive.

We’re all afraid of new experiences and situations, especially uncomfortable situations that are out of our comfort zone and it’s completely normal. The way we react to these situations and experiences reflects on how we will live our life.
Try to live out these experiences with confidence and belief in yourself instead of stress and anxiety.

THE ART OF LISTENING

Listening is perhaps the most important and the most difficult part of having a healthy conversation. The main reason why most people struggle with being good listeners is because of their ego and impatience.

Let’s take a deeper look at listening and (almost) everything about it!

What is listening?

Listening does not mean hearing just to respond. It is hearing to understand.
Listening is not to judge/analyse what the other person is saying, it means to fully concentrate on what is being said. It is about using empathy and compassion and understanding the complete message, including the underlying emotional message conveyed.


Active listening is a technique to develop our ability to listen and make an effort to truly understand what the other person is trying to say.
It doesn’t need to be about agreeing with everything that is being said, it’s about respecting the other person and their opinion and avoiding judgmental tones or words.
It is about listening to what the other person is saying without having judgment or assumptions.

Why is listening important?

Being a good listener makes you an even better communicator. Your conversations and/or feedback really depends upon your listening skills, if you’re not a good listener, your response can be faulty.

Listening is not only a learning opportunity for you, but it is also one of the fastest and easiest way of making friends and building your network.
As human beings we are social creatures and by actively listening to people around us, we are able to connect, co-operate, develop and understand ourselves and each other.

Listening is a critical skill to have in a workspace. It helps you learn about the people that you work with and allows you to have a crystal clear understanding of the conversations which will help you make better decisions and solve problems.

Good listening skills will help you understand other people’s perspective better and understand any underlying feelings that they are unable to express. Also, by being an empathetic listener, you create a space for taking your own feelings and thoughts into account and taking a much closer look at them.

Finally, listening is the first base for growth, it helps you make good decisions and at the same time it slows you down to take a careful look at a situation before taking any decision or giving an opinion.

How to be a good listener?

Listen for curiosity and not for the sake of listening just to reply. Real effective communication cannot happen if we pretend to listen and it will certainly not happen if we don’t listen at all.

When listening to someone, try to have your full focus on them and their story rather than getting distracted or reflecting on your past experience or thinking of an answer or comeback.

Try to listen with an open mind and give the other person space and time to effectively communicate and express themselves and give their opinion.
It’s always easier to come to a compromise or find the best solution when everyone has the opportunity to explain their experience and understand the other person’s position.

Ask questions and take into consideration the whole situation before coming to a solid conclusion. Try to take a step back and analyse the whole situation from the other person’s point of view before giving any answer or advice.

To make someone feel heard, maintain eye contact (but try not to be creepy!) and give subtle indications like nodding. You can also ask questions and/or simply paraphrase what they said (or you could combine it and do both! For example – “so you’re saying… because…and …?”). This will make them feel heard and understood and make you feel engaging as well.

What am I doing wrong?/ Things not to do

Poor listening skills create walls in Communication and make things difficult and build more chance for mishappenings and accidents, especially due to miscommunication or incorrect assumptions/conclusions.

The first and most important thing to keep in mind while listening is : listen to understand, not to reply.

So the next time you listen to someone, listen to actually understand what they’re saying.
Don’t try to finish their sentences or interrupt them, allow them to finish, that way you can have a proper idea of their point of view and come to a better conclusion.

Secondly, try to avoid any and all narcissism. Try not to make it all about you or think about your own past experiences while the person is talking.
Although it is good to give advice from past experiences and mistakes, not paying full attention to the speaker might make them feel that you’re not interested and you might miss out on any key points.

And finally, do not think about your reply or get distracted by anything else, try to keep your full attention on the speaker and their story.

ASKING WHY

Do you remember a time when you were young, asking questions about anything and everything around you. The innocent little ‘why’, ‘where’, ‘how’, and ‘who’ that made people around you laugh and more often sigh in annoyance.
Toddlers have more curiosity in life than most adults. They are not afraid or ashamed to ask the question ‘why’ to anything and everything that catches their attention.

If you’re one of the few adults who has questions about your surroundings and still have that childlike natural curiosity, great! Trust me, this curiosity will really open up your heart and mind to your surroundings and to the people around you.
You bring a childlike energy and happiness everywhere you go and a lot of people need that in their lives which is why you’re important to them.



Now if you’re someone who has lost touch with that innocent childlike curiosity, I suggest you bring it back! And here’s why :

According to lifehack, “When you question things, asking why regularly, it can move you in a new direction and get you thinking about your core values and beliefs.”

Because this article is all about questions, let’s start with this first question:-

Why is asking ‘Why’ important?

When we ask questions (especially why) we open new doors to new opportunities.
Asking why eliminated confusion that are caused by assumptions. Also, asking why brings a much clearer picture infront of everyone and brings the whole team on the same page. Questions are tools that help us explore and solve problems on the workfront. Questions lead to actions and inspire people to be innovative.
Good decision makers and prominant leaders constantly ask ‘why’, this helps in getting closer to the core problems and issues and gives an insight to solving the problem.



If you would have noticed, these points are from a ‘professional’ or ‘workplace’ point of view. So let’s go a little deeper.


Let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our relationships?

In any relationship being honest is the most important thing and asking why will help the other person be honest with you and you can get rid of all the worries and misconceptions growing in your mind.
If you’re someone who loves helping people and making people happy, especially people that are close to you, then you should ask them ‘why’. More specifically ask them about their lives, their dreams, why they chose their career? Why are they happy? Why are they sad? Why did they decide to wear the clothes that the are wearing?
The questions you ask can be big or small, light hearted or deep. What matters is you ask them questions.

When we show real interest in another person it makes them feel special. Asking why (or any other question) will lead to heart to heart open ended questions that can lift up the other person’s spirits, and at times, even yours!

Another benefit of asking why and questioning things around you is that you inspire people, especially young people around you.
When you openly question things and people around you, you inspire people, you inspire them to be fearless, confident and curious, all qualities that will help them (and you) to develp themselves and grow and ultimately become better versions of themselves.


I feel like we’re getting somewhat deep, so let’s go deeper, let’s see why asking ‘why’ is important for our self?

Asking yourself why you do things will give you a better outlook and remind you of the prize of your hardwork.
Many times we are so busy by the outside world that we forget to look in.
Check in with your inner self to make sure you’re okay and to calm yourself in any tense situations.
You can question yourself to motivate yourself and keep the confidence and faith alive in you.
Questions can change you as an individual and even the most smallest question has the potential to completely transform who you are.

Now that we’re a little more clear with the why let’s move to what.

So, what is a good question?

A ‘good question’ is a question that comes from your mind and/or heart and not an attempt to be cheeky. It should be a question that comes to your mind/heart from geniune interest and curiosity that can keep you up at night if you don’t get an answer to it.
Great questions are not those that have a (supposedly) right answer. Good questions are those that lead to deep and heart to heart conversations, whether with ourselves or with someone else, and help us reflect and think about things that matter (both professionally and personally).


Now let’s go one step further and look into the how.
How can we ask good question? Or more importantly, how can we bring back our inner naturally curious child?

Try to develop a confident nature, to ask questions and be curious without being afraid or ashamed. Use that confidence to encourage yourself to think deeply and develop new ideas.
Try to learn about new things through books or even online courses, this can help you communicate efficiently and ask deeper questions and it might even help you find a new hobby or passion.



An important thing to keep in mind is that people can become defensive or really shy or introverted by certain questions or sudden changes in topics or even suddenly getting a deep question thrown at them. When asking questions or going in for deep conversations try to slowly ease into the topic instead of randomly throwing it at them.



The most important thing to always remember is that questions are like a key to many unopened doors. Doors that can lead us inside a bigger world, better people and even inside a better version of us.

I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.

Albert Einstein

LEARNING TO SILENCE THE INNER CRITIC

(W/ many other smart people)

Have you ever heard loud, harsh, cruel, negative and really hurtful criticizing words?

I feel like we’ve all heard those at some point of our life, either from outside or from inside. Now, we may not be able to do much about the negativity that comes from outside but we can change the negativity from inside.

So I did a lot of research, which consisted of reading, writing and watching a lot of Ted talks and I’ve found the top 3 ways to of silencing the inner critic and being a better you.

1) THE ONE RULE PRINCIPLE ( by Bhavna Nagar )

This principle simply states, ‘ If I don’t like it from the outside (words or tone of voice), then I can’t use it on the inside.’

This principle, according to me, is the most simplest and maybe the most sensible way of dealing with that nagging voice from the inside.

Bhavna compares this inner critic to a 2 year old, someone who just says whatever they want, and the only way to control this 2 year old voice, is by being a parent to it. Being stern, yet loving. Slowly with a lot of practice, learning and caring we’ll be able to parent this inner 2 year old.

2) C. A. S. T. ( by Melissa Ambrosini )

“.. to help cast aside our inner critic so our true self can shine.”

The way to do this is by following these 4 simple steps.

Step 1: Create a character for this inner critic.

Give it a face, a shape, a body and a name. It can be anything you like. This is really important. It will create a boundary between the inner critic and your true self. It’s important to know that those are 2 completely different things.

Step 2: Awareness

Be aware and know which of these 2, your true self or the inner critic, is doing the talking. Again, remember that they are 2 completely different things.

Step 3: Shut the door.

… on this inner critic. Every time these criticizing thoughts come knocking on your mental door, you tell them, “No thanks, bye!” and close that door on their face. Shut off the negative thoughts just like you would shut off a nosey neighbor when you’re on a bad mood. (Trust me, you don’t have any need for either of them!)

Step 4: Truth

When you do all the above steps, you will finally find out the truth, the truth of who you really are and what you are really worth.

3) 3 WAYS TO TAME YOUR SELF CRITIC ( by Ronnie Grandell )

1) Try to understand the critic’s intent.

The critic inside you is like an angry sports coach. They want you to succeed and be the best version, but they have really poor execution style.

So, the best way to do learn the really intention of this critic is by looking behind the angry, rude, mean, hurtful things that your inner critic says, find the real reason for these words.

Is this inner voice trying to push you into being a better version of yourself? Or is it trying to keep you away from a hurtful situation? Or is it saying all of this just to hurt you? Try to figure it out!

2) Take a step back and personalize the critic.

Just like before, give this inner critic a personality. Give it a name, a face, a way of walking, an accent, anything and everything you want. (Your imagination is the only limit.)

Create distance between this personality and your true self because they are completely different.

Now everytime this unhappy, mean, rude personality decides to pay a visit to your mind, push it away. Again, nosey neighbor. No thanks! (You don’t need that in your life, take it from me)

3) Create a compassionate personality.

Create a nicer version of the angry sports coach in your head. Again, give them personality, face, body, voice, everything.l

Let them be this compassionate, kind, nice, loving and supportive person that will step in to life you up and help you access your inner courage, your inner self and your inner commitment to the things that matter to you.

Now, doing all this research and learning has taught me so many things that I want to summarize with these 5 points:

1) Before taking validation from outside, we need to stop hurting ourselves from the inside. We need to be kind to ourselves before expecting someone else to be kind to us or being kind to someone else.

2) We need to think of this inner critic only as a part of us, not all of us. We need to distance ourselves from this part of us.

3) We need to learn to turn this inner critic into a life coach that will give us that little extra push to reach our goals.

4) We should accept our failures and make amends and try to make things right. But at the same time, we need to question this inner critic from time to time, we need to step back and understand what this inner critic is doing to our mind.

5) Listening to the inner critic will not always make us a better version of us. Sometimes (aka most of the time) it will just make us feel even more down which will just affect our productivity.

[ BTW…. If you want to know some tips to being productive, here it is …. #ShamelessPlug 😉 ]

Fun Fact (because why not)

According to many scientists and researchers, the inner critic is an essential characteristic for many psychological disorders including anxiety, depression and eating disorders. So it’s really really important for us to tackle this inner critic and turn it towards our own benefit.

Bonus Tip

All these tips, tricks and hacks are not instantaneous. You cannot just wish for it and then wait for it to come true, you need to work towards it. Each day take baby steps to silence that inner critic. It won’t be an easy ride, there will be times that you will fail, you will fall down and you will hurt yourself, but you have to get back up. And whenever you have thoughts like “why even try?” or “what’s the point of all this?”, read this article again, and know that the reason why you’re doing this, is not for anyone else, it’s for you. Why? Because you deserve happiness, and nothing should come in the way of that, not even your inner critic. ♥️

TOP TIPS TO BE PRODUCTIVE

We’re all humans and we all have dreams and goals, some big and some small, but the only way to reach these goals is by working towards these goals. But if you’re a procrastinator like me being productive and getting things done might be difficult. So here are some tips that might just help you be a better version of yourself.

TOP TIPS

1) Know your daily goals

This is the first and most basic step to being productive. This is important because not knowing the goals for the day makes us random and it takes much more time to get things done.
The best way to do this is by a to-do list. Write it down, either on a paper, or an app on your phone or even on your calendar, just note it down somewhere so your brain doesn’t need to remember all these tasks, it can just focus on the work at hand.

Pro tip – Instead of deciding all the things and tasks in the morning and wasting precious time, write it all down the night before, that way you can wake up ready to hustle.

2) Map your day

Map out the things you have to do, don’t just write down random words or vague sentences. Write down the actual steps and plan of action that are clear. This way you will have the exact steps lined up for you and you can do your work with lesser things going wrong.

3) Prioritise

Know the most important and crucial tasks of your day and start working on those.
When making a to-do list try to break up the task into smaller mini-tasks and get to work on the first one in the sequence.
Finishing the first task will encourage and motivate you to work on the remaining mini-tasks and it will be easier to finish the task.

4) Goals and times

We only have 24 hours in a day, so we need to put every minute to work.
After organizing all the tasks, assign due dates and timers as much as possible and try to get things done within the alloted times.
Develop the habit of working fast while doing the best that you can. (It’s not easy but practice makes perfect… or atleast the thing closest to perfect)
Also, try to get onto a task and finish it as soon as possible instead of pushing it away for some other time.

5) Track yourself

Keep an eye on your to-do list and your timing. Review these often.
Keep track of your to-do list to make sure that you’re not overworking and doing work that is not necessarily important.
Keeping track of your timing ensures that you don’t spend too much time on a particular task and that you distribute and use your time effectively.

TOP MISTAKES

1) Time crunch

Not giving enough time to complete a task is a mistake all of us have done at some point. It’s important to not take too much time to do a task but at the same time it’s important to allow yourself enough time to complete the task successfully.

2) Assumptions

… specifically assumptions that everything will go right. Always assume that there will be hurdles along the way and allot sufficient time to deal with these problems.

3) Not enough vision

Not having the proper vision and goal will just increase the number of hurdles that come in your path. Make sure that before you begin anything ( a project, a task, an activity etc) you have a clear vision and you know the path to that vision.

4) Stress

Constantly stressing out can put your mental and physical health at risk. It will also effect your productivity. Identify the stress causing factors in your life, develop ways to de-stress and if possible, avoid these stress causing media.

5) Depending on yourself

Don’t get me wrong, being independent is a great thing and often times it seems like the best course of action. But in most cases, doing everything by yourself can lead to eventual burnout.
We’re all humans and we all have only a specific amount of energy in a day, it is impossible to expect ourselves to do everything on our own.
Get help, it may be in the form of an app or a device that helps you organize your day and other small things like that or maybe even hiring people to help you out in your work.

EXTRA TIPS (because why not)

• Remove distractions – delete apps, place your phone out of reach and turn off notifications.
• Focus on one thing at a time.
• Keep your home and workspace clean and organized to avoid chaos.
• Get the proper amount of sleep.
• Exercise regularly.
• Eat healthy.
• Take breaks in between work.

If you want anymore tips on how to work efficiently then check out my other blog post here:-

https://anublogsofficial.art.blog/2021/05/23/how-to-work-efficiently/


(Shameless plug 😉 )

TOP TIPS TO COMMUNICATE

If you’re an introvert, trust me, this blog is definitely going to help you express yourself and build your confidence. On the other hand, if you are an extrovert then you too can be benefitted by this blog, it will help you deliver your message across more openly and clearly. 😉

So, let’s begin!



WHY IS CLEAR COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT?

Effective communication is really important for an organized life and it is far too important to ignore or leave to fate.

When you strengthen your communication skills you eliminate unnecessary rework and wasted time from misunderstandings.

Poor communication or bad communication skills will just make life harder for you. It will be the root cause for various misunderstandings, conflicts and confusions which can go on to affect your productivity as well as relationships.

It is better to be a frequent and open communicator who can easily talk about things and problems rather than being an under communicator.

During difficult times under communication can cause troublesome situations.



QUICK TIPS (GENERAL)

When communicating, especially about important things, stick to the topic and try not to add too much unnecessary information since it might confuse the recipient.

Know the objective of the conversation and be clear about the message.

Don’t rush into conversations, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and calm your mind and deliver the message in a straightforward way.

Keep in mind the type of people you are communicating with and frame your message according to it.

Make sure that the recipient has understood the message clearly. You can check this by asking them to repeat the same information to you. It will help avoid any and all confusion.



MOST COMMON MISTAKES

Communicating with everyone the same way. (Realise that different audiences require different communication styles.)

Less questions, more assumptions.

Less listening, more talking.

Small minded thoughts. (Try to keep an open mind for everyone’s opinions and views.)

Negative approach towards the conversation. (Using negative tones and words creates an emotional distance between you and the recipient.)



QUICK TIPS (FOR INTROVERTS)

Challenge yourself and move out of your comfort zone.

Be the first to start a new conversation. Many people around you may feel the same way. So forget about your worries and reach out to new people.

Take a minute to think about the things you want to talk about. Have questions ready that will help you begin new conversations.
Pro tip – Try thinking of topics which you’re comfortable with or maybe a deep and meaningful topic, that way you can have a long conversation without any awkward small talk in between.

Once you start a new conversation, try to ask as many questions as possible and practice listening.

Try to relax and enjoy the conversation and don’t stress out too much.

Problems tend to build up more when we keep them bottled up inside us. If you’re having a problem with the people around you, try to communicate about it openly and find a solution to it or come to an agreement that works for everyone involved.



QUICK TIPS (FOR EXTROVERTS)

Ask questions and get feedback from people around you.

If you make mistakes, communicate with the people around you and try to understand where you went wrong.

Whenever a bad situation comes up, try not to point the blame at the other person/people.

Instead of using phrases like “You didn’t…” or “Because of you…” and “If you didn’t/hadn’t…” try using phrases like “It hurts me when…” or “I couldn’t…” or “It is an inconvenience for me when…”. The other person will be less defensive and will be able to understand the issue from your point of view.

During problematic situations, once you explain your point of view, take time to hear out the other person and try to understand the situation from their point of view as well.



IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

Listening is the other half of communication and is overlooked most of the time.

The true benefit of listening is not for the speaker but for the listener.

Being able to listen and understand to other people and their ideas and implementing those to our own is a very great trait to have.

Make effort to be a good listener. When you can listen to someone and understand them properly, you will be able to explain yourself better as well.



BEST OF THE BEST (FOR TOP COMMUNICATORS)

Make the effort to try and inspire others through your communication.

Try to spread important messages through your words and make a difference to the world around you.

Make conversations less about you and more about the people around you and the things that matter to you.

Instead of communicating about things that are negative and hateful, try communicating about kindness, truth, humanity or anything and everything else that you are passionate about.

Try to spread positivity through your words and through your influence.




That’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed it. Tell me, which of these tips will you start using from today??