Tag Archives: self help

Being Busy Is Good?

In today’s time, we as a society have glorified the idea of being ‘busy‘. People that are seen constantly stressed, buried in their work are viewed as more accomplished than someone not swamped by work and worry.

Today’s hustle cultre views these so called ‘hard-workers‘ as the image of the ‘perfect employee‘ and holds this standard of being busy on a pedestal.

Is being busy actually bad?

No, it’s hard to say that everything about hustle cultre or being busy is bad. But it’s definitely a point to note that these do glorify the idea of constantly being on the go and working and have even made it the norm for today’s generation to constantly be working and measuring their own self worth by how much they’ve accomplished.

Think about it, how many times have you criticized yourself because you didn’t do ‘enough work‘ or you didn’t ‘work harder‘?
How many times have you actually been happy on a day off and been glad that you took care of yourself?
Have you ever felt miserable for taking the weekend to rejuvenate and work on things that make you happy instead of working extra?

According to the standards we’ve created for ourselves, anyone who isn’t busy and doesn’t spend every second immersed in work simply doesn’t stand up to these standards and is just termed as ‘not hard working‘ or simply ‘lazy‘.
This outlook of society makes us judge our own self worth by the amount of work we do and the labels society puts on us.

Glorifying the idea of always being busy tends to make us much more about self and can, in a sense, make our thoughts and actions even more selfish.
We tend to get more stuck in our own little world excessively brooding about our own work and our own problems which obviously have a negative strike to our mental health but also end up in us neglecting close friends and family.
Cancelling plans last minute, not being present for special occasions and being missing from important moments tends to become ‘normal‘ for busy people.

Now, once or twice these actions may be ignored or forgiven but constant occurances tend to leave cracks in relationships which might eventually leave you feeling lonely and distant, unable to maintain those relations.

The current idea of busyness doesn’t necessarily put in ‘quality of work’ as an important factor, instead, ‘quantity of work’ becomes the deciding factor.
When we place priorities in the wrong areas it does end up being counter-productive and instead of actually getting things done we might only be wasting precious time.
It’s necessary to keep track of how and what you spend your time. Know if the time you spend on doing something is actually for something ‘productive‘ or is it just being busy.

How to know if you’re actually productive or just busy?

Being ‘busy‘ isn’t something you’re forced to do, it’s a life choice – something you make and continue.
Know that being efficient isn’t about the number of hours you spend doing something that may or may not have a positive outcome. Efficiency is about the number of positive results you get on doing things.

Think about the things you do on a daily basis that you think are ‘productive‘ – does it actually give outcomes that help you grow? Does it help with things you’re struggling with/find difficult?

Being busy is just about passing time doing things that seem productive,while actually, using time for things that support growth is real productivity.

Answering emails is one such task that might seem and feel productive but it has more cons to pros. It doesn’t matter how many times a day you check your email, you can always expect more to be there eventually. It always makes you feel productive but in reality it just gives you that extra stress that hampers with actual productivity.
It’s often advised to check your emails only once or twice a day to allow some actual productivity instead of spending hours each day in ‘pseudo-productivity‘.

But why is it that we fixate ourselves in pseudo-productive work?

When we’re constantly under stress and lose work-life balance (which is a consequence of hustle cultre) we tend to mess with our attention span, and the constant pressure from work and personal life harms the cognitive bandwidth.
Even though having narrow cognitive bandwidth might help you hyperfocus on something, it also has its cons – popularly termed as Tunneling.
Tunneling, according to dictionary.apa.org is defined as

https://dictionary.apa.org/cognitive-tunneling
"a psychological state, typical of people concentrating on a demanding task or operating under conditions of stress, in which a single, narrowly defined category of information is attended to and processed. "

In the most simple terms, tunneling is being extra focused on things that are right infront of us that may not be so productive, which is caused by extreme stress in our lives.

A definite point of importance is that when we become so fixated in our own lives doing ‘productive’ work, we tend to have less time for things that actually matter, like our own physical and mental health.
We tend to have less time for decisions that affect us, instead we make impulsive decisions because taking cautious, calculative steps isn’t an option anymore.

So how can we get rid of busyness and make time for things that actually matter?

• It might make us feel important to be constantly busy and get that validation from society. But remember that the same busyness has long term effects on your health.
These long hours of stress and lack of sleep and completely ignoring self-health can lead to problems like headaches, insomnia, fatigue, seizures, etc. When you make changes in busyness, you will only have positive changes in your physical and mental health and will improve relationships with people you’ve been pushing away.

• Take a deep dive into the work you’re always busy doing – then think if spending all that time and resources is actually a wise decision. Spend time doing things that you actually find valuable – does it feel productive?

• Learn to ignore the voices, views and opinions of society that promotes hustle cultre and being busy. Keep in mind the actual goal you have, that which you strive for. (I know it’s so much more easier said than done, but give it a shot!) Challenge the idea of being busy and go for what you believe you want to do.

• Understand the importance of saying no to things that don’t serve purpose to your life, instead, spend that time on things that drive you and things you find yourself excited to do.

• Sometimes you can find true satisfaction in doing less. You could do hundreds of tasks a day but they won’t necessarily bring you happiness, but even doing one task that drives you can be the source of your happiness.

• Encourage yourself and people around you to get the image of being busy out of their mind and instead set being productive as the idealistic mindset.

Being A Nightowl

I have to confess… I am a nightowl! (Really dramatic, I know)

But what does that mean?
Basically, just like an owl has a much more clear sense of vision during the night, I have a much more clear sense of productivity during the night, or more specifically, after the sun sets.

So when the rest of the people are going to bed or even asleep, I’m wide awake doing work/studying. And when everyone else gets up from slumber, I’m only starting to doze off.

To some people, this might seem strange and even slightly concerning, but actually, it’s way more common than an average person might think.
Studies show that almost 30 to 40 percentage of the population find themselves the most productive after 11pm (or 2300hrs.) 


And no, by productive I do not mean endlessly scrolling through social media or binge watching movies/shows for the whole night. I actually mean concentrating and getting some serious work done.

But

How does a person become a nightowl?

Well, firstly it isn’t exactly a lifestyle choice one can develop in a week or two.
According to some studies, our chronotype (which is largely influenced by genetics) determines what type of person – a nightowl or an early bird- one will be.

People with night time chronotype (or wolf chronotype) show more of nightowl tendencies (or ‘nocturnal’ tendencies)

So, it isn’t a choice for most people, sure, long exposure to this type of behavior and environment may change some people’s lifestyle. Or sometimes our chronotype might change as we grow older, but we can’t really change them ourselves.

For people who are genetically given these behaviours don’t really have a choice. They reach their maximum level of energy and productivity only after dark. They also find it difficult to focus and be active early in the morning.
According to studies, night owls show the most energy and activity (which is controlled by the cerebum) 4-10 hours after they wake up.

So if you find yourself constantly in a drowsy state during the day and super energetic and active during the night – then you might be a nightowl. (Welcome to the gang!)

Now, incase you are a nightowl (or just found out you’re one) and not very happy with the idea of being a nightowl, here are some

Pros to being a nightowl


• When you’re a nightowl and productive at night, you can actually get a lot of work done without even half of the distractions you might have during the day. (Nobody walking around you and disrupting your flow!)

• According to studies by numerous institutions, nightowls have shown to score more on IQ tests compared to early risers. Which basically means we’re smarter!

• People who are night owls tend to use lateral thinking more than early birds, to put it simply, we’re better at solving problems by using an indirect/creative approach and view such problems with a new light (Basically, we’re more creative).

Now that we have talked pros I guess it is only fair to talk about the cons as well.

Cons to being a nightowl

• Studies from many universities showed that people with morning chronotype were more physically active than compared to those with night chronotype and suggests that people who do stay up late and wake up late should try to keep themselves physically active.

• Even though night owls have an advantage when it comes to lateral thinking and intelligence, we’re also more likely to perform poorly in academics/work. This is because we have to function during our least functional hours i.e. typically an 8-4 or 9-5.

• Since nightowls are more creative, active and approachable during the night, they’re less so during the day, which is when a major part of society and our communities are up and about.
Trying to keep up with these people around us often leads to insufficient sleep, not to mention poor lifestyle habits and a general inability to adjust to ‘regular’ schedules. This can lead to a number of physical and mental health issues such as diabetes, obesity and even depression.

Now that we’ve covered that, how can you make your life a little easier as a nightowl?
So here are some tips, from one owl to another.

Top tips for nightowls

1) Accept yourself and set your routine such that it accomodates time for sleep. Atleast 5-6 hours. It might seem difficult, but with a little bit of planning you’ll be able to work all night and still get 7-8 hours of sleep.


2) Try to sneak in little naps between the day or even during your work sessions. Also, try to set a limit for yourself, tell yourself “I will not work past _”


3) While working at night , have a glass of water and some healthy snacks (like nuts and berries) next to you, it will stop you from eating junk and will kill the cravings.


4) Try to take atleast 5-10 minute breaks in between work to get up, stretch, fix your posture and just take a little walk around your walk area.


5) 20 minutes before your bed time/the time you set for yourself, stop all work. Read a relaxing book or listen to calming music, turn off all bright lights and all devices. Set the mood to calm yourself before going to sleep, that way you can ensure a peaceful few hours of sleep for yourself without waking up in the middle and having disturbed/rocky sleep.


6) If you generally have a 9-5 ‘routine’ and also work during the night, give yourself weekends or atleast one day of the week to get full rest and excercise. Also meet up with your friends and family to ensure your own physical and mental health.
Even during the day/night when you’re working,make it a point to take care of your health – physical and mental.


Having read all of this, know that it doesn’t matter if you’re a nightowl or an early bird or even if you have no idea of your strong and weak timespans , all that matters is you fit your work into your work whenever you’re the most productive and the most motivated to make changes.

Mastering Self Discipline

All of us have a goal, it could be something like owning your own business/company or something as simple as getting up early – big or small, it doesn’t matter, we’re all aiming towards something.
The first step towards achieving the goals we set for ourselves is to master discipline or more importantly, make ourselves more disciplined.

What Is Self Discipline?

When you wake up in the morning, a little voice in your head might tell you to lie back down. “Just for 5 more minutes.”,i t might say. The ability to push away that temptation and actually getting up and doing something productive – that is self discipline!

Discipline is about putting your future self and prioritising it above your present, it about making changes and sacrificing some pleasures.

The most important and also one of the most difficult life skill to develop in life, which will surely, in the long run help you reach that ultimate goal.

To be disciplined is to sit down and work,to work on and towards the goals you set. For yourself, to do that work no matter how tedious it is,no matter how demotivated you are. It is to fight through and hustle regardless of your current situation.

Why To Be Disciplined?

Discipline is about resisting/overcoming short term temptations to put all our effort and hard work into the long term goals that actually matter. When you develop the ability to resist those feelings, you provide yourself with a sense of fulfillment and happiness, something that will continuously repeat as you keep on developing your skills.

When you have a goal oriented attitude and discipline to back you up, you can reach great lengths in life, you only need to learn how to combine both of them!

As someone who has been (trying to) developing the habit of self discipline

Here Are Some Tips

1) Accepting weaknesses

Just like every self improvement skill, it is important to acknowledge and accept your shortcomings.
When you accept within yourself that you need to make changes, it motivates your mind into doing better and pushing yourself further outside your comfort zone.

While looking over your shortcomings, try to look at yourself not from a negative light. There is always scope for improvement – but going for an unrealistic image of perfect will not help.
Know yourself as who you are, accept yourself and love yourself, then make slow steady changes.


2) Get rid of temptations

When you resist temptations around you, you build a stronger willpower. But expecting yourself to have a strong goal oriented vision within 2 days is unrealistic. Having that level of self control is a skill that is honed with a lot of training over a long time.

Developing self discipline is a long process, that will take some time for sure. To build up discipline, learn to push off temptations.

As a beginner, it is always good to actually remove them from around you.
• When you go to bed, keep away devices that will keep you in bed in the morning. Instead of setting an alarm on your phone,get an actual alarm clock.
• While studying/working, keep away from distractions, turn everything off except for what you’re actually working on.

Having distractions away from your general sight/area of vision gives the little boost you need.


3) Map it out

Sometimes, simply having a goal in mind doesn’t help. At times, it’s important to have a step by step plan of the grand map towards your goal.

Having a step by step execution plan not only helps you know exactly what to do and how to do it, but at the same time, it gives that push and motivation you might need on a gloomy day.

Whether you actually write down each step of the map or simply store it in one corner of your brain, it is important to have a plan of action and also a backup plan for the times when things might not go your way.
It’s good to be optimistic about the future,but at times being prepared for the harsh conditions life throws at you can really help, especially when it comes to big life decisions.

Not having an alternate plan can sometimes demotivate you and push you to throw in the towel, but when you have an idea of what to do in the ‘what if’ situations, that might just pump you up to go for round 2!


4) Building blocks to building you

Just like little kids use building blocks to build a toy or a puzzle, you build a better version of yourself by replacing building blocks with discipline.

Making discipline a habit, and developing self discipline via daily habits is the most easiest way to master it.
Instead of making it an option, make it a part of your daily habits and everyday life.

Take those steps and press it into your daily life. When you make it an everyday thing your subconscious self will not allow you to push it off for some other time.

A point to note is that the hardest part of having a routine is actually following through with it, every single day. So instead of adding new things to your daily life, try to change the old habits you had.
Making small subtle changes won’t affect your daily life too tragically but at the same time it will help you get on track to make more impactful changes.

Don’t let yourself slack off. The urge to slack off comes when you’re unable to have a strong hold on your discipline. But know that it is not an overnight skill, you need to learn to push off urges to relax and laze.

Self discipline is about acting on your thoughts, do not let your feelings get in the way.
If you feel like slacking off and doing less work, push off that feeling and get to work!

Sometimes it’s important to not be dependent on motivation – sometimes you just have to push through.

At the same time, it’s important to learn to distinguish between pushing through and overworking yourself.
Don’t let yourself fall down the path that eventually you start hating what you’re doing. You should still be able to enjoy what you do and it should bring you some form of happiness.

5) Rewards are okay!

Once in a while, reward yourself. When you complete an exceptionally difficult task, when you push yourself a little harder than other days, when you let go of comfort and work instead. Reward yourself to thank yourself for being a better person.
Reward yourself to remind yourself of the love you have for yourself (try saying that 3 times).

Know that occasionally rewarding yourself is okay and you shouldn’t have to feel bad about showing yourself some kindness and love.
Also, learn that it’s okay to make mistakes, to trip and fall every once in a while. Try not to beat yourself up over every small thing.

Learn that it is only human nature to make mistakes. Learn from these mistakes and move on, don’t let it stick to you.

Winners embrace hard work. They love the discipline of it, the trade-off they’re making to win. Losers, on the other hand, see it as punishment. And that’s the difference.

– Lou Holtz

FACING OUR FEARS

With the new year many of us are making new year resolutions- eating healthy, working out, developing new hobbies, practicing self-love are some of the many that I’ve heard from people around me.
But here’s one that I’ve not heard from anyone that I think everyone should persue (or atleast try to) and that is – facing our fears and growing from them.

A question that came to my mind was,

Why face our fears?


Isn’t it much more easier to just let things be as they are?

Well, yes. It would be, but think about it, the last few years (2020 & 2021) have been pretty tough, how much worse can it get?
Might as well take the risks and see how it goes. Because life is all about taking risks and overcoming fear. If you don’t take that leap today, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.

If we embrace our fears and work on them, we can break the biggest ceiling – our own mind. Once we do that, everything will be limitless! When we work on the things that we fear, or even simply acknowledge it and put some thought into it – we take away its power to control us.

If you don’t work on that one thing that is constantly at the back of your head, that one thing that makes you stay up at night and worries you throughout the day, it will consume your mind entirely and will not let you reach the success that you’re aiming for.

We all need to face our fears and challenge ourselves to acknowledge these fears in order to rid our mind of the emotional baggage that these fears bring into our lives.

But let’s be honest , it’s all easier said than done.
So the biggest question,

How do we face said fears and grow?


1) The first thing to do is to realise that being afraid of things is common human nature. We’re all humans and we’re all afraid of something. It’s not about not being afraid, it’s about how you handle those fears and how you grow from them. Know that fear is mostly an uneasiness our mind feels over things that we don’t know about, or we’re unsure about.

2) The second – and maybe the most important thing, is to know what you’re afraid of and to what extent. It may sound strange but many people (including myself) aren’t exactly sure of what they’re afraid of.
Take some time off and sit down and think about the things that bother you/worry you.
When you know exactly what to work on you can actually focus in that direction instead of feeling stuck . When you know exactly what to work on things become more manageable and less scary.

3) Try to identify exactly what triggers fear and worry into your head. Sit down with yourself and just think about those things and the emotions they bring up inside you without actually feeling those emotions or letting those emotions control your mind.
It might seem difficult at first, but slowly ease yourself into the process, eventually, you’ll be able to process those thoughts and emotions without really feeling much of them.

4) Like I said before, fear is (to some extent) an uneasiness in our mind about things that we don’t know about, or things that are ‘the unknown’. So gather as much information as you can, the more you know about it, the less scary it will be, and you might even find it interesting!
Also, telling someone about your fears can be a great way to elevate some of the stress and can help you think more clearly. Writing those fears down can also be a great way to acknowledge them, it will help your mind to come up with solutions much more easily.

5) Use your imagination to think of the worst case scenario that could happen if you go forward with chasing these fears – and maybe even conquering them.
Then, make a plan of what you could do if such a thing was to happen.
Once you acknowledge the worst case scenario and find out ways to come out of it, it becomes way more easier to deal with them. It will help you take your mind off the problem and you can actually put in your energy to working towards the goal.


With all this said, you need to know a few more things before going into this journey.

When you start off, there will be times when you would feel overwhelmed, you might feel like you’re not getting anywhere and all of this is just a waste of time. At times like this, reflect back to what things were like before and how far you’ve come.

Know that all the hard work and unhappiness you’re feeling now is for something far more greater.
Whenever you’re feeling emotionally burnt out and frustrated, take a break, listen to soothing music and process what’s happening around you, only then will you be able to move forward.

At the end, always remember that there is no greater feeling than overcoming fears and barriers, the feeling of coming out of it as a better person on the other side is simply irreplaceable.

THE IDEA OF PERFECTION

What, according to you, is perfect?
Is it that character you saw in a movie or that lead in your favourite book? Is it that one person in your class/at work whom everyone looks up to.

The idea of perfection varies from person to person and time to time. It’s a lot like coffee.


Different people have different preferences when it comes to coffee and some don’t like coffee, it just goes with what you’re in the mood for.
Perfection is just like that, everyone’s idea of ‘perfect’ is different, and it changes from place to place and time to time.


When you’re in school it might be that person who has the most friends and hangs out with the popular crowd, when you grow older it might become the people that have a well paying job and are respected in the community.



The thing to note is that ‘perfect’ is not the same for everyone, all of us feel that perfect is different, better and something unlike us.
Everyone has, atleast once in their life, compared themselves to their idea of ‘perfect’.



But the question that arises is, “Why are some things considered to be perfect, while others are not?”

The idea of perfection is very different for different people but the reality of the situation is – nothing and no one is perfect!



We all have this idea of perfect in our head that we have put up on a pedestal and look up to and aspire to be and many times force ourselves to be.
We do the most absurd things to fit the idea of ‘perfect’. We put ourselves on diets and trainings and all sorts of things that we might not even want to do but we do it, just to fit this idea of perfect, which we’ve made up in our head!



Hear me out, there is nothing wrong with following a healthy lifestyle and doing things that keep you healthy and fit, but putting yourself through things that you don’t even want to do or are unhealthy for you, just to fit this image of ‘perfect body’ is wrong.
The same way, there’s nothing wrong with having a good job that pays well and gives you a high position in society, but doing that while pushing away your passion and happiness, just to match your parents idea of ‘the perfect child’ or society’s idea of ‘the perfect match’ is wrong.

There are so many other instances when we push away our own happiness and peace of mind just to fit the idea of perfect, something that will never be able to bring us true happiness.



Have you ever admired someone? Thought them to be the living version of perfect? Idolised them to such a level that you dreamt and aspired to be them?
Well, I have, and I had to learn it the hard way thay nothing and no one is perfect. Everyone has their good and bad side, everyone has their own shortcomings and everyone has days that are good and that are bad.
Putting someone on that pedestal and expecting them to fit your idea of perfect is not right. Accepting someone for who they are, good and bad, is the way to show true admiration and letting someone know that you actually care about them.



There’s nothing wrong with helping someone become better and improve but it’s always important to know our limits and not push ourselves and at the same time remind others to be careful and not push themselves too hard.


I don’t know about you, but I grew up watching people that had the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect laugh, everything that fit society’s idea of ‘perfect’ and that shaped my idea of perfect, which made me push myself in that direction, in a direction that seemed so wonderful, but was so dark and did not give me any happiness.

In the end, I don’t fit the idea of perfect! I don’t have the perfect smile, the perfect grades or the perfect behaviour. I’m not that and the first time I accepted that, it scared me, I was not what everyone wanted me to be and I might never become that, but now I’ve learnt to accept myself as that, as that imperfect, silly little girl, that might never make anyone proud, but atleast I’m happy.

I’m happy and I’m comfortable in my own skin… actually that’s not true, I’m not completely comfortable, I have days when I’m so bold and comfortable and feel so grand , and then I have days when I’m insecure, self conscious and scared and that is completely okay!
It’s a long hard journey and I’m going to make it, one day at a time. Baby steps.


And I want to encourage everyone reading this, take a moment and analyse yourself, what about you do you think is imperfect or doesn’t fit your version of ‘perfect’? What do you think is perfect? More importantly, why do you think it’s perfect? Why not put yourself into the idea of imperfect and love that?
There is so much beauty in imperfections – in all our imperfections, it’s high time that we stop praising the idea of perfect and learn to love ourselves a little more each day and grow each day.



Let’s learn to surround ourselves with people and things that help us develop self love, that help us love us for who we are and help us become better and happier.

There could be a hundred things that could make us upset, make us feel bad, about ourselves and the world around us, so it’s important to find love in ourselves, only then can we find love for the world outside.
And one of the best ways to love ourselves is to rid ourselves from the idea of perfect, to fall in love with our own imperfections.



It’s great if you can make yourself a better version of you and it’s great to try to be a better version of yourself every day, but it’s important to love yourself, regardless of who you could be, it’s about loving yourself as who you are, because there is so much to love about yourself…

To love yourself is the path to loving the world & to love the world is to spread love, peace and happiness

TAKING CRITICISM

Criticism – it’s something we all hear, some people even hear it on a daily basis.
Friends, teachers, parents, co-workers, siblings and sometimes- even strangers criticise us for almost everything we do whether good or bad, big or small.

Let’s go deeper and take a dive into the world of criticism and try to understand (almost) everything about it.

As we all may (or may not) know, criticism is important for us! To grow and be better at what we do and even to be better people, we need outside criticism to guide us.
But most of the time, we tend to take criticism in the negative way.

We feel hurt and attacked by most criticism that we recieve, and in some cases it is true that the criticism comes from a place of hatred and negativity rather than from positivity and well-wishes.
But sometimes we feel hurt by even the positive criticism that wasn’t meant to be negative, instead it was meant to be taken positively and for our own growth.

It’s important to keep in mind that while taking criticism, try to keep an open mind and keeping your emotions out.
Do not react to it or take it personally, instead take a deep breath and look at it from the other side, find out what are your weak points and what can you do to make yourself better.
Constructive criticism is the way to know our weaknesses and improve by working on them. But if we get defensive and try to prove the critique wrong, it won’t help us truly understand the message being delivered and won’t let us improve.

We shouldn’t be afraid of criticism or be hurt by it, rather, we should use it as fuel to do better and learn from them.

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

Winston Churchill

Criticism helps you learn and understand your shortcomings and helps you make better decisions in the future to make better changes in yourself and in your work.
It can show you the spots that you’ve been missing and more often, gives you a helping hand that will support you and guide you.

As humans, we react to different criticism in different ways. The way we react to each critique will determine how it will affect us and our work.

If you pay too much attention to negative, hurtful and bashing criticism, then you’ll just end up hurting yourself and your confidence.
On the other hand, if you dismiss every single piece of advice and criticism that you recieve, you won’t grow.
If you pay attention to criticism without letting your emotions get in the way, you can properly understand the criticism. You can then analyse it and take what is useful for you and can help you grow.

If you find something hurtful, meaningless and bitter, shrug it off and don’t let it break your confidence.

You have to take criticism with a grain of salt because you’re never going to please everybody.

Yolanda Adams

It’s important to know where you take criticism from. Know that you cannot please everybody, which also means that you do not have to pay attention to everybody’s opinion of you or your work.

Be mindful of the people that criticise you and before paying attention to them or letting their words get to you, ask yourself, does this person know what you’re going through? Have they been in the same field of work/the same situation? Does this person genuinely want you to grow and become better or are the words coming from a place of hatered and/or negativity?

Ask yourself if it is even worth letting the harsh words of this person take up your valuable time, energy and mental as well as emotional happiness and strength.

You need to remember that everyone that criticises you doesn’t necessarily mean the best for you.

If the person offering you advice/criticism is from the same field of work or has similar experiences in life and they actually wish you to be happy and want the best for you, treat their advice as gold, but if anyone with a bad intention decides to let you know their opinion on your life, push them away (maybe not literally!)

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.

Frank A Clark.

COMFORT ZONE

Have you ever made a decision that made you uncomfortable? Something for the ‘greater good’ that was out of your comfort zone? If you have, then you would know that pushing past those boundaries of comfort ultimately brings out the best in you.
If you haven’t then I really suggest you do.

Anyone that is unfamiliar with the concept of comfort zone might ask ‘What is comfort zone?’
A comfort zone isn’t necessarily a place, it’s a habit, a habit of avoiding uncomfortable situations or new things and risks. It’s a safe mental space where your work, behavior, thoughts and actions fit a routine and pattern, which minimises stress and anxiety. This safe space gives a sense of mental security.


Comfort zone doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It’s a state that people generally tend to move towards. Leaning away from it brings increased risks and chances of failure, not to mention stress and anxiety, but depending upon how you react to it, it can have positive or negative effect.

Behind the walls of comfort lies the unknown that brings out the most valuable lessons.

Let’s dig deeper, and as some of you might be thinking, Why should you step out of your comfort zone?
Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you feel vulnerable, it gives you anxiety and stress. But this can work in your favour if you let it. It improves your performance and can push you towards success.

Moving out of the comfort zone is necessary to rise above and reach greatness, the comfort may make you feel safe and pleasant, but that doesn’t make it good for you. Infact, if you don’t push past this comfort zone, it’s going to get smaller.
Remember that the more we stick with what is familiar, the more we’re going to be afraid of moving to the unfamiliar.
You need to let go of the thoughts in your head that tell you to stick to the comfort zone, because it blocks your view of the bigger picture and the growth you can achieve by stepping out of this comfort zone.

The comfort zone is the wall between you and greatness and success, and the only way to tear down this wall is by pushing yourself into uncomfortable situations.
If you’re someone who is confused with what you’re meant to do in life, take that first step and step into the uncomfortable zone, that’s the only way you’ll realise your true calling.

Without having the uncomfortable feeling of deadlines and targets, we cannot push ourselves to do the best of our abilities. We tend to go the bare minimum of what is required of us and often fall into the ‘work trap’ which is basically just telling yourself you’re ‘busy’ to avoid stepping out of the comfort zone and trying new things.

Before we move on to ‘how’, let’s first learn about 2 more zones that you’re going to have to face on your journey from comfort to success.

The first is, Learning Zone.
It’s the period of time we spend learning – it doesn’t need to be academic knowledge, ot could even be the time you teach yourself a certain skill or even absorbing the things that you learn on an everyday basis that helps you improve. This is a zone that you should be in all the time, not just on the path to success but even after getting to success.

The second zone is, Performance Zone.
It’s the point of time where you apply what you have learnt and work towards success.

Now that we’ve covered that part, let’s move on to How can you step out of the comfort zone?

The first thing to keep in mind is that getting out of your comfort zone is not an overnight process. It will only come true by taking small steps and working towards that goal every single day.
Try expanding your comfort zone one step at a time.

Step 1) Identify the thing that is most important to you, the thing that you want to move ahead with.
The best way to know what your true calling is, is by moving towards things that are unfamiliar and new to you. You don’t need to expose yourself to it all of a sudden, again, go one day at a time. This will be the first step out of the comfort zone.

Step 2) Take the decision to start working on it.
Once you figure out what you want to do, start pursuing it. If you have to, set a date, place and time. This will be the entry to unfamiliar territory.

Step 3) Build your courage.
Once you start working on this goal, you will get even farther away from the comfort zone, and when you do that, you’ll be scared, and it’s okay. It takes a lot of courage just to identify these fears and then working on them.
You need to remember that when you build this courage, you will be able to face your fears and not only that, but you’ll also be able to take risks and make bold moves, that sometimes might give a great outcome, but sometimes might make you look like a fool, and you need to have courage for that.

Step 4) Follow this consistently with a positive mindset.
The most important step in this process. You need to have the mindset to push through all the difficult times and consistently work on yourself. You need to have the willingness to make mistakes and learn from them to work on your weaknesses. You need to be able to consistently put yourself in uncomfortable situations to develop and grow.

Now that we know the what, why and how, let’s go over some things to remember.

  • Choose to step out of the comfort zone, because if you don’t step out of it and put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you will not grow and ultimately, you will not get to success
  • Everytime you feel overwhelmed by something, walk away from it for a few minutes, clear your head, meditate, drink a glass of water, walk or even take a power nap. This will help you relax and even find a solution to problems or look at things from a fresh perspective.
  • Outside your comfort zone you will find people and situations that inspire you, push you to work harder and even irritate and annoy you. When you deal with these people and these situations, you grow and reach your full potential.
  • Think big and set targets and goals out of your comfort zone. Remember, the bigger the challenge, the harder you push yourself to work harder. Keep in mind that setting unattainable goals for yourself will only lead to more stress, fear, worry and anxiety which will lead to procrastination, which is only going to be counter-productive.

We’re all afraid of new experiences and situations, especially uncomfortable situations that are out of our comfort zone and it’s completely normal. The way we react to these situations and experiences reflects on how we will live our life.
Try to live out these experiences with confidence and belief in yourself instead of stress and anxiety.

THE ART OF LISTENING

Listening is perhaps the most important and the most difficult part of having a healthy conversation. The main reason why most people struggle with being good listeners is because of their ego and impatience.

Let’s take a deeper look at listening and (almost) everything about it!

What is listening?

Listening does not mean hearing just to respond. It is hearing to understand.
Listening is not to judge/analyse what the other person is saying, it means to fully concentrate on what is being said. It is about using empathy and compassion and understanding the complete message, including the underlying emotional message conveyed.


Active listening is a technique to develop our ability to listen and make an effort to truly understand what the other person is trying to say.
It doesn’t need to be about agreeing with everything that is being said, it’s about respecting the other person and their opinion and avoiding judgmental tones or words.
It is about listening to what the other person is saying without having judgment or assumptions.

Why is listening important?

Being a good listener makes you an even better communicator. Your conversations and/or feedback really depends upon your listening skills, if you’re not a good listener, your response can be faulty.

Listening is not only a learning opportunity for you, but it is also one of the fastest and easiest way of making friends and building your network.
As human beings we are social creatures and by actively listening to people around us, we are able to connect, co-operate, develop and understand ourselves and each other.

Listening is a critical skill to have in a workspace. It helps you learn about the people that you work with and allows you to have a crystal clear understanding of the conversations which will help you make better decisions and solve problems.

Good listening skills will help you understand other people’s perspective better and understand any underlying feelings that they are unable to express. Also, by being an empathetic listener, you create a space for taking your own feelings and thoughts into account and taking a much closer look at them.

Finally, listening is the first base for growth, it helps you make good decisions and at the same time it slows you down to take a careful look at a situation before taking any decision or giving an opinion.

How to be a good listener?

Listen for curiosity and not for the sake of listening just to reply. Real effective communication cannot happen if we pretend to listen and it will certainly not happen if we don’t listen at all.

When listening to someone, try to have your full focus on them and their story rather than getting distracted or reflecting on your past experience or thinking of an answer or comeback.

Try to listen with an open mind and give the other person space and time to effectively communicate and express themselves and give their opinion.
It’s always easier to come to a compromise or find the best solution when everyone has the opportunity to explain their experience and understand the other person’s position.

Ask questions and take into consideration the whole situation before coming to a solid conclusion. Try to take a step back and analyse the whole situation from the other person’s point of view before giving any answer or advice.

To make someone feel heard, maintain eye contact (but try not to be creepy!) and give subtle indications like nodding. You can also ask questions and/or simply paraphrase what they said (or you could combine it and do both! For example – “so you’re saying… because…and …?”). This will make them feel heard and understood and make you feel engaging as well.

What am I doing wrong?/ Things not to do

Poor listening skills create walls in Communication and make things difficult and build more chance for mishappenings and accidents, especially due to miscommunication or incorrect assumptions/conclusions.

The first and most important thing to keep in mind while listening is : listen to understand, not to reply.

So the next time you listen to someone, listen to actually understand what they’re saying.
Don’t try to finish their sentences or interrupt them, allow them to finish, that way you can have a proper idea of their point of view and come to a better conclusion.

Secondly, try to avoid any and all narcissism. Try not to make it all about you or think about your own past experiences while the person is talking.
Although it is good to give advice from past experiences and mistakes, not paying full attention to the speaker might make them feel that you’re not interested and you might miss out on any key points.

And finally, do not think about your reply or get distracted by anything else, try to keep your full attention on the speaker and their story.