How did I get into writing? I’m sure that every great (and even the not so great writer) started as a complete bookworm. As did I. The first ever novel that I read was The Famous Five by Enid Blyton, of course before that I had been held captive by countless other comic books and children’s magazines. But I distinctly remember the exact day that I finished reading The Five go to Finniston Farm, I put down the book and opened up my little diary and attempted to write a story just like the one I had read. Two chapters later the diary lay in the corner and the papers were shredded to bits. I hit writers block a little too early. I cant remember the exact day I actually started writing, but I have some pretty old memories of coming up with stories of talking dogs and girls with long brown hair connecting with their roots and finding out they had superpowers!
According to my mom I used to make up all these stories even before that, when I was just a baby I used to make all kinds of stories and characters to keep myself entertained (and also anybody else who wanted to listen).
Following that came the tween phase where I attempted my hand at journaling and making diary entries (completely inspired by Anne Frank) , but since consistency wasn’t my strongest traits, they all ended up in the trash eventually. It was also during this period of my life that I discovered the word of E-books and that just led me into a whole new world.
I will admit, I found a little too much comfort in the world of fiction, and yes, it was a pretty huge distraction from my studies and my parents were not as happy as I was. Despite the fact, I went through book after book, finding new genres every week and falling in love with the styles of so many authors.
My early teens were pretty much filled with Blake Pierce and W L Knightly (still would binge read all their books). Following that came the second attempt at writing a novel. And as much as I cringe thinking of that “horror” novel, to that version of me it was a masterpiece.
That began my pursuit of creating the best works that I could. I spent as much time as I could (keep in mind that in a brown household studies take first priority) devoted to thinking and re-thinking plots and characters visualizing different narratives, subconsciously dealing with some of my own personal life problems through these characters lives.
And that phase of my life led me to start this blog and post some of my own works (PS – I also have a second blog where I post my own short stories and novels) .
After a pretty long run of consistency and regular uploads I hit dead end. I had nothing good to put out into the creative spaces of the internet and even the smallest of works ended up in a pile of trash under my desk until I gave up all hope. I’m not proud of admitting this but I almost gave up all hopes of ever becoming anything more than a regular teenager with a couple blogs on the vast internet. Obviously a part of me hated that but it was just so easy, I had school and college and a whole bunch of extracurriculars that required my attention more than some stupid hobby.
A part of me hated to believe that the one thing I enjoyed so much was just going to be left in the past. But what was I to do? Writing was too difficult, much less writing everyday and as a profession, it just wasn’t for me. I wanted myself to believe that not every hobby is meant to turn into a money making machine. And for a while I believed that, I let go of the idea that I would ever become a writer and just tried to move on with my life.
Every once in a while I did try to come up with something even moderately close to amazing, but the lack of consistency translated into the algorithm not really pushing any of my works, and that translated into me being more and more disheartened and push aside the pen.
But the past few months have been a time of new growth and new experiences for me. I recently moved to a new state and officially decided to drop a year before college. Now, although these are not too major changes for my life (I’ve spent my whole life travelling around), I realized with all these new changes in life there is one more thing that I need to change- my mindset. I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking and re-thinking my life and career, and my choices right now.
I realised that I’m very young, (no seriously, I’m just 18) I’m still living with my parents and I’m not even in college. I have practically my whole life infront of me and its way too early to make a solid decision like pursuing writing as a complete career, let alone making this blog into a full time thing.
While there is nothing wrong with choosing a career and working towards it from an early stage, it is also wrong to lead every young adult into believing that they need to have their whole life figured out and be set into it from the time they turn into an adult.
I let myself believe that my worth was set on how well I could work rather than the worth of my work. I’ve been trying to grow and in that process also realise that growth takes a lot of time and trial and error. There is nothing wrong with me trying to take my time and give myself room to learn and breath and take everything in, and most of all enjoy the process. I forgot that writing started out as a hobby, something that I was supposed to enjoy, that brought me peace, instead it had turned into another task throughout the day that I had started to despise and roll my eyes at.
But that changes now. I’m reaching a new phase of my life, where I learn and grow as a person, and that will reflect in what I write, it might not be consistent and it might not please the algorithm gods, but that is what true growth is. Its not to appease the masses, but to please oneself. And that begins now.
Love, Anu.
Love.Peace.Happiness. 