Listening is perhaps the most important and the most difficult part of having a healthy conversation. The main reason why most people struggle with being good listeners is because of their ego and impatience.
Let’s take a deeper look at listening and (almost) everything about it!
What is listening?
Listening does not mean hearing just to respond. It is hearing to understand.
Listening is not to judge/analyse what the other person is saying, it means to fully concentrate on what is being said. It is about using empathy and compassion and understanding the complete message, including the underlying emotional message conveyed.
Active listening is a technique to develop our ability to listen and make an effort to truly understand what the other person is trying to say.
It doesn’t need to be about agreeing with everything that is being said, it’s about respecting the other person and their opinion and avoiding judgmental tones or words.
It is about listening to what the other person is saying without having judgment or assumptions.
Why is listening important?
Being a good listener makes you an even better communicator. Your conversations and/or feedback really depends upon your listening skills, if you’re not a good listener, your response can be faulty.
Listening is not only a learning opportunity for you, but it is also one of the fastest and easiest way of making friends and building your network.
As human beings we are social creatures and by actively listening to people around us, we are able to connect, co-operate, develop and understand ourselves and each other.
Listening is a critical skill to have in a workspace. It helps you learn about the people that you work with and allows you to have a crystal clear understanding of the conversations which will help you make better decisions and solve problems.
Good listening skills will help you understand other people’s perspective better and understand any underlying feelings that they are unable to express. Also, by being an empathetic listener, you create a space for taking your own feelings and thoughts into account and taking a much closer look at them.
Finally, listening is the first base for growth, it helps you make good decisions and at the same time it slows you down to take a careful look at a situation before taking any decision or giving an opinion.
How to be a good listener?
Listen for curiosity and not for the sake of listening just to reply. Real effective communication cannot happen if we pretend to listen and it will certainly not happen if we don’t listen at all.
When listening to someone, try to have your full focus on them and their story rather than getting distracted or reflecting on your past experience or thinking of an answer or comeback.
Try to listen with an open mind and give the other person space and time to effectively communicate and express themselves and give their opinion.
It’s always easier to come to a compromise or find the best solution when everyone has the opportunity to explain their experience and understand the other person’s position.
Ask questions and take into consideration the whole situation before coming to a solid conclusion. Try to take a step back and analyse the whole situation from the other person’s point of view before giving any answer or advice.
To make someone feel heard, maintain eye contact (but try not to be creepy!) and give subtle indications like nodding. You can also ask questions and/or simply paraphrase what they said (or you could combine it and do both! For example – “so you’re saying… because…and …?”). This will make them feel heard and understood and make you feel engaging as well.
What am I doing wrong?/ Things not to do
Poor listening skills create walls in Communication and make things difficult and build more chance for mishappenings and accidents, especially due to miscommunication or incorrect assumptions/conclusions.
The first and most important thing to keep in mind while listening is : listen to understand, not to reply.
So the next time you listen to someone, listen to actually understand what they’re saying.
Don’t try to finish their sentences or interrupt them, allow them to finish, that way you can have a proper idea of their point of view and come to a better conclusion.
Secondly, try to avoid any and all narcissism. Try not to make it all about you or think about your own past experiences while the person is talking.
Although it is good to give advice from past experiences and mistakes, not paying full attention to the speaker might make them feel that you’re not interested and you might miss out on any key points.
And finally, do not think about your reply or get distracted by anything else, try to keep your full attention on the speaker and their story.
Love.Peace.Happiness. 